The Confession

Box: David Downs

Ready to confess your sins, David?

I don’t sin at all. I am pure-hearted, basically perfect actually.

PRIDE

Two years ago you were terribly sick with cancer and needed million-dollar treatment in the US. You struggled with the fact that people had set up a Givealittle page for you. Was that pride?

That period when I had to rely on other people was really tough. Having to admit I needed help was hard. When I was first diagnosed I spent a lot of time in hospital, and weeks would go by and I would feel really useless. That is really common with people who go through major illnesses; they question their value to society. I had to keep up with techniques to keep myself positive. We also, as a family, realised we needed help and we had counselling as a family group. You can’t let pride stand in the way of getting help.

What are you most proud of your family for, in getting through that?

My wife Katherine was incredible. She would talk about “we got cancer, and the doctor told us this ...” and people would go, “God, Katherine did you get cancer too?” We were a unit. And the boys, through that whole period, were so incredibly mature and supportive. I am really proud of them. They had to carry on with their lives, they had school and jobs, and my mother-in-law was amazing, we were so fortunate to have so much support.

You wrote columns about your illness and treatment and now you have a book coming out.

It’s not just a book about cancer because that would be pretty boring; it’s a book about life and my story has a really cool, happy ending. It’s a roller coaster. The book is called A Mild Touch of the Cancer because initially I thought I had a touch of the flu and my doctor said, “no, it’s more serious than that”.

ENVY

When you were sick, did you envy healthy people?

Yeah, you’d hear people complaining about something minor like, it’s raining, and think, “I wish that was all I had to worry about.” I think a lot of people go through life looking for happiness, but I think what you’re really looking for is meaning.

Now that you are in remission are you still acutely aware of what’s important and what’s not?

Oh, big time. I don’t get particularly stressed about anything now, actually. You realise that life most of the time is really good. If I get frustrated it’s because I see people creating versions of reality that are not necessarily the truth. My son Toby, who is a wonderful young man, will go to school all grumpy and mopey and at the end of the day I’ll ask him how it was and he’ll say it was rubbish and I’ll say, “you got exactly what you wished for. You could have chosen to have a great day.” I think a lot of people go through life choosing a negative approach. When you have something that is seriously, objectively terrible, like my cancer, you realise that you always have things that you can concentrate on that are positive.

LUST

Why did you choose lust?

It’s about my lust for life — we should relish the fact that we can walk around and talk to each other and eat nice food. I have gone back to work but now I work three days a week, cos I have a really great boss, and the other four, I do things that make me happy. I am advising a company that is trying to grow, which I like, and working with a charity and finishing off my book. Unfortunately, I am doing twice as much as I ever did for about two-thirds of the money but the cliche is true, you realise every opportunity you have is really precious and you should make the most of it. Some people, including me, have to go through some life-threatening experience to realise that life is for living and I’m just loving it.

Has your bucket list changed?

I had always wanted to do the bike trails in the South Island and we did that last year. But instead of climbing mountains or visiting Antarctica, it’s more about doing things that have a greater meaning.

I am an ambassador for the Malaghan Institute, which is working to bring the CAR T-cell treatment that I had to New Zealand. I do public speaking and explain how the treatment worked for me and help with fundraising. I get frustrated if I think that there is treatment available and people are sitting on piles of cash and are not helping others.

David Downs and Willy de Wit feature in the documentary In My Mind on TVNZ1, June 23, 11am.