From My Window
Comedian and actor Rose Matafeo reflects on life in lockdown London
It’s kind of like Rear Window but in London. I can see the back gardens of everyone down the street and it’s very exciting and cool, especially in summer and especially in lockdown, because everyone’s at home. I do my makeup next to my window, cause it’s like natural light. And there’s a carpark for the units next door and there’s always a man who comes for the dustbins and stuff, the street cleaner guy. I try to wave at him, but he doesn’t really wave back, but I love seeing him and I really want him to love me. He’s just awesome. I think he looks like a cool guy. He’s probably in his 40s, I reckon. I wish we had a connection really.
I think I’d get shy. but if I ever saw him on the street I think I’d say, “Morning” or something. But probably not.
My flatmate has kept tabs on a certain family and sort of was like, “You know, it’s been a privilege to see them grow up in this lockdown.” They’ve really grown up, like one of the kids has really grown up. Now she sees them out in the neighbourhood and almost feels like a part of their upbringing. Like, “You really turned out great, kid!” One day, years from now she’ll be an elderly lady and recognise them on the street in Italy or something and she’ll be like, “Young man, I have seen you grow up.” So, through her, I have experienced that.
Speaking of Rear Window, this is my Rear Window model that I made in lockdown. [It’s roughly the size of her hand]. I made it out of matchsticks and cigarette filters. It was Christmas. I had no one, I had nothing to do, I didn’t do work for a bit and I was like, “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to do this.” I hated every minute of it. It was genuinely stressful. I wasn’t doing it for anything, but felt truly compelled to do it and I did it and I got it out of my system. It was like a spirit I had to expel from my body. It’s based on Miss Lonelyhearts. It’s very accurate. It’s probably one of the more eccentric things I’ve done of late.
I would love people to think I’m cool but I’m fundamentally not. And that’s something I’ve come to accept. I’m nearly 30 and it’s f***ing tough but I’ve had to accept that, “Oh I’m a nerd.” That will never change and I have to accept that. I may not like it but I have to accept it.
I’m in Northeast London, Hackney, basically. It’s bougie but it doesn’t want anyone to know it. It’s so close to Dalston and Dalston’s very cool, very East London, like artsy young vibes. Very young yo-pro vibes in Hackney. It’s hard to say what the equivalents are, but it’s your Ponsonbys, veering towards K Rds. It’s got a mixture of like mums and stuff, posh parents. Oh, so many couples! Like if I walk down the high street, it’s just couple after couple, holding hands, on very narrow sidewalks, and I’m just this angry woman being like, “Don’t block the sidewalks! There’s a global pandemic! Wear a mask! Also, don’t go out! Like, why? Why go out? If you’ve got someone you love, stay at home. I don’t want to see it. For f***’s sake.”
Even if I was in a couple, I would not hold hands while walking down the street on a narrow sidewalk. Also, I’d be embarrassed. If you were holding hands and you were a couple and you saw all these other couples holding hands, wouldn’t you feel so disgusting? Like it was Pleasantville, like The Truman Show. Like ew! Like, get a life. Like, separate, end it, do something! I don’t know. And none of them seem really happy, do you know what I mean? None of them are truly happy. I think the happiest couples are the ones who are laughing together but not holding hands. There’s probably affection behind it, sure. But not on my watch.
I love London. I never expected to ever have moved to London. It almost happened, not accidentally, but it was never in my goals. But it happened. I really do like it here. I’ve built somewhat of a life here and so much of my work is here and I’m kind of psycho for work. I love working and I love making stuff and this is the place I can make stuff at the moment.
● Rose Matafeo’s new show Starstruck screens on TVNZ 2 on April 28 at 9.30pm. All episodes will also be available on TVNZ Ondemand.