ON SCREEN: ONE MARRIAGE, TWO REVIEWS

Greg Bruce and Zanna Gillespie watch In and Of Itself

She saw

In and Of Itself is one of the most polarising films Greg and I have watched. I was stunned to hear him say “I loved it” because I had found the whole thing emotionally manipulative and overly stagey. Still, I was wholeheartedly entertained, even if I found that entertainment exploitative.

I was going to describe In and Of Itself as a “one-man show” by Derek Delgaudio but the role the audience plays in the show is so vital to its success that description seems unfair to the people whose experiences form, if not the backbone, then at least the emotional climax. Delgaudio is an incredibly talented magician and storyteller and what he’s done with

In and Of Itself is use his powers of illusion to make people examine their own identity. Greg found it illuminating, I found it … a bit gross.

The live show, which Delgaudio performed in New York City more than 500 times in 2017 and 2018, begins with each audience member picking a piece of paper off a wall that says “I am”, followed by a word or phrase that they believe describes them. Some of the words are quite literal like “doctor”, “academic” or “mechanic” and some are more metaphoric like “reflection”, “dog” or “nobody”. The audience hand their cards in as they enter the theatre and the performance ends with a showstopping illusion that has audience members confronted by the card they chose. Along the way Delgaudio tells some stories about himself, does some card tricks, does a mindblowing bit involving an audience member and a letter — all very clever.

When I told Greg that the film didn’t make me confront my own identity, he became convinced there was something wrong with me. He tried to perform his own magic trick by staring deep into my eyes and meaningfully asking, “Who are you?” He held my gaze, willing me to burst into tears, hoping I would say something like, “I just don’t know who I really am!” I didn’t. I don’t think identity is something that can be described in a word or two. To me, Delgaudio’s illusion encouraged the audience to place more importance and meaning on whatever word they’d impulsively picked off the board while having a glass of wine in the theatre lobby than was necessarily there. Maybe I’m wrong about that — everyone else in the world seems to agree the show is exceptional. Maybe they all had transformative experiences, or maybe the transformative experience was itself one of Delgaudio’s illusions.

He saw

After it finished, I googled the name of the show’s creator and star. Under “People also ask”, the results read: “How does Derek Delgaudio do the letter trick?” “What is the meaning behind in and of itself?” “What is in and of itself movie about?” That felt about right. One-third about the magic, two-thirds about the meaning, 100 per cent what the f*** is going on? One way of describing it is an autobiographical story, told using magic tricks. Another way: It’s an interactive quest to figure out the nature of identity, with Delgaudio literally forcing his audience to consider who they are, by choosing from one of hundreds of pre-printed cards denoting identifying qualities: “lover”, “leader”, “exhibitionist”, “introvert”, “ninja”, “midnight toker”. When Zanna asked what I thought of it, I gave a long and at times emotional explication, to do with the nature of identity, of how moved I was by the way he recognised people’s self-ascribed qualities, of how it made me reflect on my own life more deeply than I had in a long time. It turned out she had been watching something completely different: a narcissist manipulating people’s emotions for his own benefit and reflected glory.

She described it as “heavy-handed”, “gimmicky” and “fake”.

I said it felt like it had addressed the question of identity in a new and powerful way, and that it was hard to think of another recent entertainment that so forcefully has made me stop and ask, “Who am I?”

She said, “I didn’t once think, ‘Who am I?”’ and followed up with the claim, “None of us can define ourselves in words.” She summarised the show, and Delgaudio’s approach to it, thus: “Let me control your emotions and wow you with how I control them.”

When I said that’s what all artists are trying to do, she replied, “Maybe that’s true,” before going on to explain how it wasn’t. I can’t remember the details: Something about magic being different from painting? Anyway, it went on for a long time, and as she talked, I found myself again leafing through the possible identities that might attach to me. In that moment, possibly because it was a long time since I’d last talked, I thought, “Maybe I’m a listener.”

A few seconds later, she stopped midsentence, and said, “I’m finding the way you’re looking at me really annoying.”

Back to the drawing board then.

Derek Delgaudio’s In and Of Itself now streaming on Disney+.