46 DAYS WITHOUT A PHONE

Day 1

Zanna: “I see you’re on your computer, which is basically the same as being on your phone.” Greg: “I was waiting for that,” with teeth gritted. Zanna: “Sorry. I just don’t see how it’s any different.”

Day 2

An alarm went off on my phone.

Zanna: “Oh you looked at your phone again.” Greg: “My alarm went off!”

Zanna: “If you’re going to do something you have to do it properly.”

Day 5

In the afternoon, I dialled a friend I would normally text. He didn’t answer, but called me back a few minutes later. When I said, “What did you think when you saw I’d called?” he said, “I assumed there was some sort of emergency.”

Day 14

While we were out, I told Zanna I wanted to add “get lightbulb” to the to-do list on my phone. She said, “You can, because this whole experiment is not allowed to make you drop the ball for your household responsibilities.”

Day 15

Zanna was watching dance videos on her phone in bed. When I tried to watch, she turned away and told me I couldn’t.

Day 21

While I was putting Casper to bed, during his second week at school, he said: “Do you know why people think I don’t write a lot? Because I don’t actually know how to write stuff.” I had to write that on my phone because I could never forgive myself for ever forgetting it.

Day 22

Zanna: “Has anyone seen my phone?”

Greg: “I don’t know. I don’t even notice mine anymore.” Zanna: “I need it.”

Greg: “I used to be like you.”

Day 27

Zanna: “Can you go on to Family Link and authorise Clara to spend more time on Prodigy?”

Greg: “I think Family Link’s on my phone. Can you do it?”

Zanna: “It seems to be fine for you to use your phone whenever you want to, but okay.”

Day 35

My editor texted: “What was it you were giving up for Lent again?” I had no choice but to reply.