From girl to boy and back again
Zahra Cooper wants to ensure her story is not used by those who are anti- transgender — everyone is different
A young woman has reversed her decision to become a male in what is believed to be one of the few cases of transgender “detransition” in New Zealand.
Zahra Cooper, 21, spent almost a year on testosterone treatment and had been living as a man for three years when she decided to go back to the gender assigned to her at birth.
It was a harrowing journey that led through anger, depression and attempted suicide, but one she has decided to share to raise awareness of the complicated nature of gender.
“I’ve always struggled with my gender identity all my life, like always questioned whether I was a boy or a girl,” she says. “At first I came out as lesbian but then I realised I was transgender.”
At age 18, she asked people to start referring to her by a male name and pronouns. Age 20, she went on an eight- month wait list to see a speciali st, and then was prescribed testosterone — and began what i s known as a “medical transition”.
She expected to feel elated, but it wasn’t right.
“I was getting a deeper voice, facial hair, and many other changes but I just wasn’t happy with them,” she says. “I didn’t feel like myself.”
After much soul- searching, which included an Asperger’s Syndrome diagnosis, and huge support from her grandfather and transgender boyfriend Tyson Kay, Zahra decided to stop the drugs and is now living as a woman again.
However she says she will never be a “girly girl”, and that for many people, gender isn’t a binary concept.
She also wants to ensure her story i s not used by those who are antitransgender.
“There’s people out there who think it’s just a phase. But it’s not. It may have been for me but it isn’t for someone else. Everyone is different.”
Around 1.2 per cent of young people in New Zealand are thought to be transgender, although with the increasing social acceptance of gender diversity that number is expected to grow as more young people come out earlier.
International figures put those who detransition at just 1 per cent.
Auckland sexual health specialist Dr Rick Franklin says Zahra’s case is rare.
“In hundreds of patients I can only remember two. Occasionally it will happen, even with the very best provision of service, although it does happen more frequently when pathways are not followed,” Franklin says.
Guidelines used by the Auckland health boards required patients to see a mental health expert before having a specialist appointment, and recommended a follow- up with a specialist every six months.
They also advised extra caution for those transitioning to male, as many of the effects of testosterone — such as a deeper voice and fertility changes — were irreversible.
However the guidelines were not hard and fast rules, and successive studies have found large variation in how transgender patients are treated within New Zealand — particularly in rural areas.
Zahra and her family have raised questions about the care she received during her transition — she only saw her endocrinologist once in nine months, and was able to quit counselling of her own volition. She was told she would have had better access to care if she lived in a main centre.
Northland District Health Board say her care was satisfactory, and that Zahra was seeing her GP for followups, if not the endocrinologist. They said they had visiting clinics to Kaitaia and enough resources to work with complicated cases like Zahra.
Agender New Zealand president Tracee Nelley said it was pushing for more consistency nationwide, but there had been little progress because being trans was seen by many factions as a “choice”.
“That’s unfair because they’re not trans by choice, it’s a biological drive. That’s where it can become really really cruel.”
Dr Theresa Fleming, an adolescent health researcher at the University of Auckland, said those struggling with complex gender identity needed a more holistic model — rather than being shunted between specialists.
“They need someone who understands adolescence and gender identity and mental health — not a specialist but a generalist who can talk to them. They need information.”