Tiger, Phil in fat cat buckfest: No thanks
Great news from the world of golf. Strap yourselves in for a winner-take-all match between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, those lovable Americans who will square off in mid-November at Shadow Creek course in Las Vegas.
It’s the brainchild of Turner Sports, it’ll be pay-per-view and offers the winner a cool US$9 million. And get this: it’s on Thanksgiving weekend.
That’s a big deal in the US and they will all be giving thanks for Tiger and Phil giving them something to stretch out, bellies full, to take up the afternoon, dozing, Budweiser in hand, gnawing on a turkey leg, all across Trumpland. Beautiful.
Woods and Mickelson aren’t exactly bosom buddies. Their animus has long been on show, although word has it they’ve had the odd practice round recently which hasn’t come to blows.
But there’s no sense of shame, or embarrassment over this fat cat big buckfest. If the pair had offered to donate the money to a worthy charity, then fine. But the silence on that has been deafening. And you never know, the pair may both desperately need the cash.
There were those delighted to see Woods back in the hunt at the US PGA a few days ago. Not me. I couldn’t care if he never wins another tournament.
Granted, his presence adds to the ratings and there’s certainly a frisson around the fairways as he addresses the ball. But that self-satisfied smirk is back in place. No thanks.
Several years ago, he turned up at the speedway in Palmerston North to watch his then-caddy Steve Williams hoon around the circuit at the regular Saturday night meeting, while here for the New Zealand Open. As he made his way up the stairs of the stand through a large crowd to a room at the top set aside for his use, no one took the slightest notice. To the regulars, he was just another face in the crowd.
That’s one thing about New Zealanders. We generally don’t do star-struck.
“Hey, isn’t that Mick Jagger?” Big deal. Keep walking.
Anyway, back to the golf. There will — surprise, surprise — be some gimmicks. It will be matchplay, the players will wear microphones “to hear some of the interaction between us”, Mickelson offered breathlessly. Bully for us.
There will be other “features” such as the longest drive, closest to the hole, longest putt and closest out of a bunker.
“We’re going to have fun doing something that’s never been done before on pay-per-view, trying to showcase golf in a different way,” Woods said, joining in the feelgood chorus.
No prices have been set but, hey, no problem, says Woods.
“I think they can afford it,” he added of the subscribers, a man clearly long out of touch with the real world.
But, hey, you can sit here and moan about the obscene amount of money involved all you like. It won’t make a jot of difference.
It’ll be a rubbish event, loaded with fake bonhomie, and witty oneliners between a pair of unlikeable Americans.
What better way to mark Thanksgiving. Way to go.