The Secret Diary of . . .
MONDAY
Marshall Ardern: Folks. Folks, let me be perfectly clear. I understand yesterday’s Black Lives Matter march, I truly do, and I know there’s a strength of feelin’ out there, but if y’all could keep those feels in check, then I’d be mighty grateful. Sure, you might think, “Goddamn it, I got to make my voice heard!” Well, that’s what Twitter is for. But it ain’t right to congregate on the streets. Because it was a breach of the rules. And you know how I feel about the rules. The rules saved our lives. And if people break the rules, there will be a price to pay. A very heavy price. And if you don’t believe me none, maybe you’ll listen to a voice of calm and reason. Doc Siouxsie Wiles: O Lord! Lord have mercy! Wah! Aue¯! And so forth! For I am absolutely gutted to see people protestin’ and carryin’ on without takin’ Covid precautions. If you went on that march, then please, please, please self- isolate for the next 14 days. The last thing any of us want is to see a surge in cases. Hurry along inside now, y’hear? Go into quarantine. Right now! Git!
Doc Ashley Bloomfield: There is currently no community transmission in New Zealand. Those who attended the outdoor protests are not required to quarantine. In conclusion, yee-ha.
TUESDAY
Marshall Ardern: Folks. Folks, let me be perfectly clear. We ain’t openin’ the town up just yet. Soon, but not yet. You know, we all done good, but the plain truth of the matter is that we ain’t out of the woods yet. There’s a-trouble brewin’. Because they might come back. You know who I mean by they. You don’t need me to spell it out. But you need me in every other single way and don’t you forget that none.
Special Agent Peters: You heard the