The secret diary of . . . that other election
JOE BIDEN
Vote for me, because…
DONALD TRUMP
I’m doing fine, a touch of Covid nearly killed anyone, we have the best doctors in the world in America, the best medical care, beautiful nurses, I have a lot of respect for beautiful women, there’s that one I’m married to, I can’t remember her name but I know she’s from one of those countries that don’t speak English, Poland or Budapest, and by the way, Dr Fauci said President Trump saved thousands of lives, nothing short of a miracle, I walk with God, when you talk about numbers you know how many people died in Japan, how many people died in India, and how many people died in New Zealand. New Zealand, it’s all over in New Zealand.
JOE BIDEN
… the one thing I have to offer…
DONALD TRUMP
There has never been an administration or president who has done more than I’ve done in a period of three and a half years, and that’s despite the impeachment hoax, and fake news, and Chinese flu, by the way
Donald Trump and ... not Donald Trump. it was terrible what happened with George Floyd, the riots were terrible, the streets weren’t safe but I made them safe, you can walk down any street in America after dark if you’re armed, I would never, ever take away our guns, if there’s one thing that stands between Americans and death it’s guns, an armed guard is beautiful, rule of law is beautiful, without it you’re living in chaos, you’re living in China, you’re living in Iran, you’re living in New Zealand. New Zealand, forget about New Zealand.
JOE BIDEN
. . . is that I am not…
DONALD TRUMP
Before Covid came in, we had the greatest economy in history, we had the lowest unemployment numbers, we had unity, unity like you’d never seen before, it was truly the United States of America as opposed to the Civil War we had under Obama, and by the way Obama knew Jeffrey Epstein, I’m just saying, fake news media kept his name out of it but Obama knew Epstein and the sick things that went on between those two and crooked Hillary are well documented, you cannot fool the American people, the American people are going to vote for me in record numbers, and so are the Russian people, together we’re making America great again, the envy of countries like Canada, like Germany, like New Zealand. New Zealand’s a hellhole, things are not good in New Zealand.
JOE BIDEN
… Donald Trump.