The Secret Diary of . . . They Are Us
MONDAY
Things are heating up! We are assembling a dream cast for They Are Us, an inspirational story about how an attractive political leader with progressive liberal ideals and a baby captured the hearts of the world with her warm and empathetic response to a tragedy in a small town in New Zealand.
Jacinda Ardern . . . Rose Byrne Heroic police chief and troubled loner with interesting back-story . . . Dwayne Johnson
Ruggedly handsome passer-by late for work whose quick actions saves lives . . . Vin Diesel
Wise old onlooker who opens his home in an hour of need . . . Tom Selleck
Hot second wife of the wise old onlooker . . . Courteney Cox Cynical adult son of the wise old onlooker who doesn’t accept his stepmother but learns a valuable lesson about the need for diversity and inclusiveness . . . Benedict Cumberbatch
Veteran civil rights activist turned high school geography teacher who we see in flashbacks to Ardern’s teenage years when she sits in his class and soaks up his stories about social justice and racial equity . . . Bradley Cooper
Veteran civil rights activist turned high school geography teacher’s musical wife . . . Lady Gaga Teenage Ardern . . . Margot Robbie Teenage Ardern’s high school boyfriend . . . Harry Styles Teenage Ardern’s high school boyfriend’s best friend, an apolitical African-American who silently suffers prejudice until a conversation with teenage Ardern changes his world view and he commits himself to breaking down barriers of race and discrimination . . . Jaden Smith Teenage Ardern’s high school boyfriend’s best friend’s father . . .Will Smith
A small town in New Zealand . . . Boulder, Colorado The Muslim community . . . Cliff Curtis
TUESDAY
Things have taken an unexpected twist! Our production has come under attack from critics in New Zealand who mistakenly believe They Are Us has a white saviour narrative. One of the film’s producers, Philippa Campbell, is ideally placed to sit down with Kiwis and set the record straight.
WEDNESDAY
Things have taken an unfortunate set-back! Philippa Campbell has quit.
THURSDAY
Things are evening out! We have met with the Muslim Association of Canterbury, who released a statement: “After the Muslim Association of Canterbury’s media statement questioning the timing of the film and raising concerns on the focus of the film, the producers of the film have got in contact with MAC to clarify our concerns. After consultation, the producers have shared the synopsis of the movie and listened to our concerns. “We have come to an understanding that more consultation needs to be done with the victims of the March 15th terrorist attack, and agreed to work closely with the producers to facilitate this process of consultation . . . The producers have made a commitment to work with our community in an appropriate, authentic and sensitive manner.”
FRIDAY
Things were never actually going to be like Monday’s report of the casting for They
Are Us. That was all in people’s minds.