Special K intends to go out on high and be proud of her success
Kendra Cocksedge hopes in retirement she can finally celebrate her successes — after adding another couple to that considerable list.
New Zealand’s most-capped women’s rugby player yesterday announced she will call time on her glittering career after this year’s home World Cup, where she wants to lift the trophy for a third time.
Cocksedge has spent her 15-year tenure with the Black Ferns racking up accolades. She has played a record 64 matches and scored a record 382 points; was named by World Rugby as women’s international player of the year in 2015 and was later selected in the team of the decade; and in 2018 she became the first female player to win the Kelvin R Tremain Memorial Trophy.
But the 34-year-old — made a member of the New Zealand Order of Merit in 2020 — has never allowed herself to suitably appreciate all her honours, something she soon plans to change.
“I’ve always found it very challenging to be proud,” Cocksedge said. “I’ve won awards and won World Cups, and I’ve always been someone who goes, ‘This is awesome, great’, and then just moves on.
“I’ve struggled to really celebrate and be proud, and part of retiring now is I want to celebrate all the success that I’ve achieved over the years. I feel good about that.”
That feeling will only enhance if Cocksedge can end her career in appropriate fashion. The halfback will play her 99th game for Canterbury in tomorrow’s Farah Palmer Cup semifinal against Wellington, and she has no intention of stopping there.
“I was like, ‘Girls, we’re not losing, I’m not going to 99 not out’.”
Then, Cocksedge will refocus her attention on the Black Ferns, with five weeks until they kick off the World Cup against Australia at Eden Park.
Along with leading the haka on home turf against the same opposition last month, Cocksedge ranked her side’s 2017 triumph as her career highlight, winning the event for the second time after being part of the victorious 2010 squad.
“There’s a lot of highlights but nothing goes past winning a World
Cup,” she said. “In 2014, we lost the World Cup and that was tough. We were so successful and hadn’t lost many games prior to that, and to be kicked out by Ireland in pool play was tough to take. Then 2017, we were like, we’re going there to take it.” Having done that, Cocksedge first contemplated retirement, persuaded to play on by those around her saying “how crazy” that would have been. She’s thankful she listened to that feedback, having played some of her best rugby since, and knows now the timing is right.
“I spoke to Dan Carter and he said, ‘You don’t want to be clinging on. You want to enjoy it’,” she said. “So for me this year’s been solely focused on enjoying the game and I’m probably noticing that in terms of my performance.”
Cocksedge’s only reservation about retirement is being unable to continue enjoying the huge growth in women’s rugby, after this year playing in the maiden season of Super Rugby Aupiki while being paid full-time for the first time. She believes further advancements will be made following a World Cup on home soil but has no doubts about her decision.
“You just want to leave the jersey in a better place,” she said. “We talk a lot about how you’re only a caretaker of the jersey.
“Sitting there and looking at it when I first debuted, I was like, I want to put everything I can into this jersey,” Cocksedge added.
“That’s why I feel like the time is right now — because I’ve done that and it’s ready to be passed on to the next generation.
“I feel like I’ve given all I can to the game — with a little bit left.”