FLYING TO NOUMEA

The flight attendant on the Air NZ plane is big on generosity. She also has my number: “More bubbles?” I’m watching a “gripping crime drama” starring the magnificently deadpan Aubrey Plaza. And while the interruptions are generous and well-intentioned, it’s unlikely I will ever see the film’s end. I’d told the attendant this holiday was my children’s birthday present. Mistake. I am anointed Number One mother on board the mothership and she decides I needed to celebrate.

I love plane food. The compartments, the essential accessory roll with a side of too-hard butter. Cheese and crackers. Diced melon. We eat, we half-watch films, and we stare out the window waiting to see where we are going.

It takes roughly two hours to fly from Auckland to Noumea. Two short, smooth hours and an entire mind-blowing shift north of New Zealand and south of the equator. As we get closer, dozens of islands appear; little white-fringed dots. You can clearly see the divide below, where the ocean meets one of the world’s biggest barrier reefs. It’s utterly spellbinding and I soon abandon the film, but it was really Aubrey who was holding it all together and I imagine the ending might have been predictable.

Predictable is reassuring, when flying. We are about to embark on a holiday that will be anything but.

Air New Zealand offers non-stop flights between Auckland and New Caledonia with connections available from Air New Zealand serviced domestic airports. Airfares start from $280 per seat oneway per person. Visit airnz.co.nz to book.