Grandparents help out a new generation
Seniors stepping in to raise their grandchildren when parents fail
Every Thursday morning, a group of grandparents meets in Gonville to discuss an issue on the rise in Whanganui and nationally. For a variety of reasons, they are raising their own grandchildren.
Group facilitator Bob Wilson said there were more than 30 Grandparents Raising Grandchildren groups around New Zealand, with most meeting once a month.
“We do things a little differently here,” Wilson said.
“There’s a place we know we can go to every week to chat about things. There’s no compulsion and no formalised activity.
“It’s just a space for us, as grandparents looking after grandchildren, to go to talk to like-minded people.”
Wilson, who with his wife cares for three grandchildren, said the group existed purely for the adults, not for the kids.
“Each week there is a different kind of discussion, from looking at various forms of aids and assistance to talking about things like foetal alcohol syndrome.
“It could be talking about grandparents who are raising kids on their own, and what would happen if they got sick, and poor old OT [Oranga Tamariki] gets quite a whipping in here from time to time as well.”
Wilson said he and his wife had become the grandchildren’s guardians after receiving a phone call from their school principal.
“[The children] had barricaded themselves under desks, and were terrified to go home.
“We’ve had them ever since.
“For the most part it’s a happy arrangement, but there’s always something one week or another. It’s because the kids are so traumatised.
“It’s about showing them that they are loved and wanted, and getting through that it’s not their fault.”
Wilson said he had a database of 109 grandparents raising grandchildren in the Whanganui region, but there were “a lot more than that out there”.
“My grandchildren came to us due to an abusive partner that my daughter was living with.
“There are others [parents] who get into P and it becomes a complete drug issue.
“I think what’s happening now is the state is looking for relatives to look after the kids, rather than putting them into care.
“The financial support is not overly generous, but it’s adequate to keep things going.”
A lot of the time, dealing with the parents (their own children) was more of an issue than looking after the grandchildren, Wilson said.
“Morally, we couldn’t return the kids to their parents if we didn’t know that everything was A-okay and back to normal.
“For a lot of the grandparents, A-okay is not going to be there for a long, long time.”
Rene and Les Fitton raise their grandchildren, aged 12 and 14, and attend the meetings almost every week.
“It was either us or a foster home, so it was a non-issue, really,” Rene Fitton said.
“They will be with us until they finish school. It’s certainly been a journey.
“To bring up a teenage girl all over again is different, and the pressures on children these days are different as well.
“There are drugs, peer pressure and bullying at school, and then there’s the internet of course.”
Rene Fitton said the couple considered themselves lucky because both their grandchildren were healthy and hadn’t been affected by something like foetal alcohol syndrome.
“There are so many of them [children] with terrible disabilities because they were born to a mother who was battling addiction, and I think it [grandparents raising grandchildren] will become more and more like the ‘new normal’.
“We’ve learned a lot from coming to this group, especially about where support services are and things like that.
“It’s a place where you come and realise you’re not alone in this.”
■ The group meets from 10am every Thursday at 48 Alma Rd, Gonville, and the sessions are free to attend.
For more information, contact Bob Wilson at whanganui@grg.org.nz