Beauty of ageing is women’s best foundation
I’m sowing seeds of self-doubt, I’m growing a wonderful crop What started as one or two little plants is out of control and won’t stop
I’m sowing seeds of self-doubt, where I bought them, I’m not really sure
Maybe the nursery for idiots, or at the Insecurity Store
I’m sowing seeds of self-doubt, they’re entangling my mind this I know
I’m frightened to look at the produce, for you reap what it is that you sow
I’m weeding these seeds of selfdoubt, self-abuse, self-hate and selfpity
For a garden growing plants like these is a garden that’s not at all pretty
— Nicky Rennie — aged 23 I read an article online the other day that popped up on my feed.
It’s not often I read something that gets me really hot under the collar, but this did.
I was angry (no — it’s not politics, breathe a sigh of relief).
It was an article with the title “Why we think we’re more beautiful than we are after 50”. It was written by Shane Watson for the Telegraph and was directed towards women.
On reading it, I thought: “This bloke has a nerve to give women advice — he has no idea at all or any right to comment on what we should or shouldn’t wear or how we behave”.
Doing my due diligence before completely exploding, I wanted to see what this plonker looked like and what his background was. I figured if he could hand out advice to women, he must be God’s gift to us and that high horse of his must have firm foundations because he had it so very wrong.
Well slap my thigh and call me Mildred — the author of this codswallop was a woman.
The reason I started this column with a poem I wrote when I was 23 is because, for women, it is a lifelong journey to accept themselves for who they are and know that no matter what they look like they are loved.
It’s pressure we put on ourselves from a young age that we need to look a certain way, aim to look youthful and be hot (I’m picking the main aim of this is to be attractive to the opposite sex) but it would appear that Ms Watson thinks we have a shelf-life.
She has underestimated the power of females who build up other females. All of us should have it on our CV because it is something that lasts a lifetime. It’s part of our DNA and she smashed it to smithereens.
To give you a rough idea of my lack of faith in myself, how I looked or anything I had to offer at 18, this may put it in perspective.
During tertiary education, my first love and I talked about dating exclusively. He said: “Okay, I think you and I should go out together, but if someone better comes along — I’m out.” At what should have been the height of my youthful beauty, I said “okay”.
I would slap myself now.
On an average day on Facebook, the Algorithm Fairies bombard my page with advice about how not to look frumpy over 50, the best foundation that won’t sit in your wrinkles and, my personal favourite that I got just today, incontinence underwear.
I’m grateful that I was a teenager in the ’80s. It’s worse now for young women who are my daughter’s age (19) due to the constant pressure of social media.
It’s a living hell trying to convince your daughter she is more than enough and that she is beautiful. She will never believe she is because nothing her mother says counts, and there is always someone who is prettier or sexier. Welcome to life in 2024, my darling.
Ms Watson carried on to list all the phases we go through from 50 to 85 that are grave errors.
She included two in particular that rankled. “The Late in Life Bikini” phase and the “People Still Fancy Me” phase.
The reason I got so angry was that another female listed a whole lot of things she considered out-of-bounds for other women. Things I would consider a triumph.
She forgot to mention the “Do I Care What You Think?” phase . . .
I feel she betrayed women on a universal level. I’d like to see her tell 78-year-old Helen Mirren not to wear her two-piece — she rocks it.
She also stated “most people between the ages 55 and 80 believe they look younger than other people their age”. I have never heard a female (friend or otherwise) utter those words.
Men think so differently, they’ll back themselves no matter what, at any age. However, a male friend of mine who is a clinical psychologist said men are threatened by strong women who have an opinion. Considering I write in an opinion column, I’m expecting to be on the shelf for a lifetime and that doesn’t worry me in the slightest.
Think about your favourite photo right now and when you felt your most beautiful as a woman.
I can tell you that, as a mother, any photo taken with my daughter is my favourite. I did get a photo taken once by a female friend who did some basic makeup that took 20 minutes and then took me to the St Clair Beach toilets in Dunedin to photograph me (because the light was good there).
I was 43. I got that photo back and didn’t recognise it was me. It was good to know I could look different and I did use it as my profile pic for a while, but I believe in transparency and my current Facebook pic is me now, at 52.
If you are lucky enough to have someone who tells you every day you are beautiful, or if you have managed to nurture yourself to believe it, don’t listen to anyone else. Wear a bikini at 85, believe you are loveable at any age and be who you are.
In complete contrast to the author who angered me, my view is that self-acceptance, happiness and authenticity are your most beguiling features. They have no age limit and are yours for the taking.