How to be in control
When there is too much drama going on in my life it suggests that I need to STOP and take STOCK of what I’m trying to control.
We all have an innate need to feel in control of our lives but sometimes that need can dominate us to the point of creating a life which can choke us with stress and anxiety. Life has a way of reflecting what’s working and what’s not with the patterns that show up in our lives.
As children we didn’t have a choice, as we are completely dependent on our care givers, however as adults we get to choose whether we create or react to life.
Creating requires the desire to learn, and if we find ourselves surrounded by constant drama, then we need to find a way to move past it, which is going to require a degree of letting go and our own need to stay in control. To those who feel like it’s survival of the fittest, suggests they have the belief “control or be controlled”, yet we are more than that if we are prepared to feel vulnerable and learn another way. While we are still part animal and are innately wired to fight or flee, we have the potential for much bigger states. Let’s use our brains to the best of their ability. The need to feel in control at all costs suggest a fear of stepping into unknown territory.
Sometimes life events can force us to go to extremely uncomfortable places, and if we are prepared to let go then a koha can often be found. Life appears to find a way of throwing people or situations at us. It paradoxically has to be this way as, let’s be realistic, it’s not natural for us to position ourselves in really uncomfortable situations! Yet that’s where the sweet spot is. Those that know this state have moved past the need to be in control and have mastered responses which supersede the need for fight or flight (unless, of course, their life is in danger). These folk haven’t got here by chance — they have danced with the dark nights of the soul and they know what it feels like to fight for their own peace of mind. They have learnt when to hang on and when to let go. They understand that when they are fighting they are fighting for something in their past and they have determined whether that past still has a place in their future or not and they make A CHOICE. They know that letting go is not to be confused with giving up and have experienced the “bliss” that comes with letting go.
Letting go is not something that can be analysed. To think about it makes it disappear. It’s a “state” that sits outside of our “known” selves. That’s the point! Letting go can be practised though, and those who can achieve it (without the use of substances) will reap the sustainable benefits. A decision to want to let go has to be the first step, and the desire and the intention to want something other than what’s now. For those who feel “stuck” it suggests a desperate need to stay in control as the fear of the unknown feels too great. Yet it is in the unknown that great things can happen. My mahi supports those who are ready for a change and are ready to let go but don’t know how. We take baby steps towards “something” else. I’m not the sort of coach to engage with if there is a need to keep focusing on the past. The answers don’t lie there and neither will you find them in blame — no matter what. All blame does is validate your current state and if you’ve already made the decision that you need to change, then your “current” state has no answers for you. There are tools that can assist us in transformation and some are as simple as stepping outside our comfort zones. Make an appointment for a free half hour one-to-one chat to see if my type of support fits with your need to soar. www.carlascoachingforhealth.com
We all need to feel in control of our lives.