Let’s talk about sex

Jodie Molloy answers your most intimate questions

Q

I desperately want a breast reduction, but my husband is dead set against it and thinks it will ruin our sex life. I know I should appreciate and love my body for what it is, but I find them painful and I hate being the subject of so much attention. He says we could be spending the money on more important things.

Top Heavy, Hawke’s Bay

A

Our partners are meant to love us for who we are, not for our E cups. I’d have to say that while all relationships should involve a degree of consultation about big decisions in our lives, you wanting dominion over your own breasts is ultimately your business. If your husband’s penis caused him stomach pain, expensive undies and a lifetime of unwarranted attention, can you imagine telling him that if he altered it then you wouldn’t find him as attractive? Nobody likes having surgery and having a reductive mammoplasty isn’t something anybody would choose unless they had to. Don’t apologise for wanting to invite change and spending your marital finances to do so. And if true love doesn’t prevail with a lesser bosom, then your relationship probably has some bigger issues.

Q

My husband and I have a really busy, active life with our kids, but these days, he only wants to have missionary sex. He turned 40 and seems to have given up any notion of pleasuring me. Is this forever?

Bored, Taradale

A

It’s only forever if you allow it to be. Firstly, you need to have a conversation about the root cause of this. As all of us age and juggle different life pressures, it’s a fact that sex can fall to the back of the queue in terms of priority. If your husband used to be more adventurous, it’s likely he’s just manifesting some sexual fatigue – which can result in the kind of sex that feels routine and more for maintenance than fun. However, how we communicate our concerns about sex is really essential to moving things forwards, not backwards. Decide exactly what you’ve been missing, then get a babysitter and book a hotel room for a refresher weekend. Some fun “show and tell” when it comes to sexual communication can make it less awkward than telling him over the dinner table – and it’s imperative you let him know that a life of missionary could lead to your early death!