HOW TO DEAL WITH CYBER BULLYING
Technology today means bullies can follow our kids everywhere, explains Digi-parenting expert Dave Atkinson
My intermediate school years were the toughest years for me and left me with a less-than-desirable nickname that stuck with me right into high school. A nickname might not seem like much, but it epitomises one of the terrible things about bullying – it says to the victim, “This is how we see you, this is what you are.”
The difference between bullying then and bullying now is that because of technology, bullies can follow our kids all the way home and through our front doors.
A recent study by the group Sticks‘nStones of 750 young people from Otago, showed over a third had been cyber bullied. Sticks‘nStones is a student-led programme focused on taking positive action online to stop bullying online and in person.
Surveys vary, but it is clear that cyber bullying is a serious problem faced by many kids in New Zealand. Some kids feel the hurt but can shrug it off. For others, it can cause terrible distress leading to the high levels of depression and anxiety we are seeing in young people today.
Teens generally have the smarts to handle the risks of social media, but younger children do not. Hold your ground if your younger children want a social media account. Most social media platforms can be used in a fun, safe way but sadly, they can also be used for cyber bullying. One way to reduce the risk is to avoid anonymous communications, to ensure that your kids’ profiles are set to private and that they don’t accept friend requests from strangers. Research shows that most bullying is actually done by people known to the victim, but they often hide behind aliases and anonymity.
Look out for symptoms in your child that would hint at the fact that they are being bullied – withdrawing from friends, difficulty sleeping or changes in eating habits. More typically, though, you won’t know your child is being cyber bullied unless they choose to tell you. The sad thing is that many young people won’t tell their parents because they fear two things even more than they fear being bullied – one is that you will confront the bully or act in some way that will make the bullying worse. The other is that you take away their phone or access to the internet.
As parents, we need to establish a family culture where children know they can talk to us about anything. If you want your kids to tell you about the big things, you’ll have to spend a lot of time, night after night, listening to the little things.
If you do discover that your child is being bullied, here are some tips:
Let them know that you’ll be on their side, and especially that you won’t be doing the things they dread, like confronting the bully at the school gate.
Keep a copy of the abuse for evidence, but stress to your child not to respond to it. If you need to get the help of the school, phone companies, internet providers or even the police, they might be less willing to help if it appears to be a back-and-forth of online insults: “This isn’t bullying. It’s a fight!”
Text abuse can be blocked. For example, Vodafone has a “Blacklist” feature that can prevent certain numbers from contacting you.
Part of the horror of being bullied is the shame and loneliness. As well as yourself, let your kids know they can talk to their teachers, school counsellor or call Youthline on 0800 376 633.
Bullying is common, but at least cyber-society is moving out of its “Wild West” stage. Every school now has policies around cyber bullying and should be ready to help you and your child. Many schools have good “digital citizenship” education too.
In serious cases, you can draw on The Harmful Digital Communications Act. It gives you the power to have harmful content removed from the internet and enables prosecution for harmful digital communications. To find out more, visit netsafe.org.nz or Vodafone’s digi-parenting.co.nz.
For more helpful advice and information about Vodafone’s sharing mobile plans, visit digi-parenting. co.nz.