Coro star’s heartbreak
My wife’s had 12 miscarriages
Soap storylines are traumatic, but Coronation Street actor Simon Gregson and his wife Emma have also had their share of harrowing real-life drama.
Last September, Simon – who plays Steve McDonald on the long-running British TV show – rushed Emma to hospital after she suffered crippling stomach pains that left her unable to stand. While Emma, 32, believed she had severe constipation, doctors later discovered she was suffering from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.
The shocked couple describe it as a “double blow” – they hadn’t even realised Emma was pregnant and it was only minutes before she was taken into theatre for emergency surgery to save her life.
Emma and Simon, 43, are the proud parents of three boys – Alfie, 10, Harry, eight, and Henry, two – but growing their family hasn’t been easy. Emma has now suffered 12 miscarriages. They lost their first child in 2006, when Emma miscarried a 21-weekold girl, but all the others have been much earlier in the pregnancy.
And while she’d love to have a daughter, the couple say they will not have any more children. Simon explains, “I think as Emma has come so close to death, that’s it for us. Emma desperately wanted a little girl and I would love her to have one but now, after nearly losing her, I’m going in and having the snip.”
The recovery from the ectopic pregnancy has been tough and in the past, the pair have chosen not to talk in depth about their miscarriages. But after much soul-searching, they now want to tell their story to help other parents in a similar situation. Emma readily admits that she had her dark days and as well as seeing a counsellor, she has found talking to other women therapeutic.
When calls round to see Simon, Emma and their boys, young Henry is charging around the family home along with their two pet dogs – terrier Lucy and Jack Russell Cookie, who is familiar to Coro fans as Steve’s pet dog Rover. We sit down with them to hear all about their harrowing time in hospital, the moment Simon thought his wife was going to die and how they’ve come to terms with not having any more children.
Simon and Emma, take us back to last September.
Emma:
It all started on September 19. I’d been feeling ill for a couple of weeks. About a week before, I was round at my mum’s house. I just couldn’t get up off the settee. The stomach pains were horrendous. I looked online and all the symptoms were the same as constipation. I was treating myself for that and taking herbal remedies.
How did things escalate?
Emma:
One morning, I went for coffee with some of the mums from school. I literally couldn’t stand up. I just didn’t know what to do. I rang Simon and told him the pain was getting worse. It was so horrific, I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve never felt pain like it. Simon came to get me and rushed me to A&E. Simon:
We called an ambulance, but there were none around, so I drove Emma in. I went through every red light! I was beeping my car horn and had my hazards flashing. Emma:
We got there late in the morning and I told them I had really bad stomach pains. We had Henry with us, so I told Simon to go home and I’d be fine. I didn’t think there was any point in them waiting at the hospital.
I thought they would give me some medicine for constipation and that would be it. But then I collapsed in the waiting room. They took me through to a bed, put me on loads of morphine and took blood samples. They told me they suspected I was having an ectopic pregnancy. Up to that point, we didn’t know I was pregnant, so it came as a double blow to us. It was hard to get our heads around what was happening.
Were you seen straight away? Emma:
Bless them, they were so busy at the hospital, so there wasn’t anybody around. They kept monitoring me for 11 hours and then had to ring somebody who was on call to do the scan. The doctor arrived at 11.30pm to scan me. Simon:
I had been back to the hospital, but had left again as it was getting on. The nurses kept ringing, but the staff doing the scans were so busy and they didn’t realise how serious Emma’s condition was at first. I had been home half an hour and they called to tell me I needed to go back in.
What happened when you had the scan, Emma?
As soon as the doctor looked at it, I saw his face change. I had a lady holding my hand before Simon came back as by this point, I was absolutely petrified. I didn’t really know what an ectopic pregnancy was. The doctor showed me the screen and there was lots of dark shadows. He said he was concerned all the shadows were blood. He said he thought the ectopic pregnancy had ruptured, and he needed to do further investigation and get it out of me. I asked when he was
going to do that and he said, “Right now.”
It was about midnight by then and I was in a panic. He told me that the operation couldn’t wait until the morning. It then started to dawn on me how serious the situation was. I rang my mum and it was really emotional. She had been texting me all day to see if I was still in hospital. I told her I was pregnant, but it was ectopic. I ended by saying I loved her. She told me later that it was the worst thing I had ever said to her. It was like I was going to die and I was saying goodbye.
Did you think you were going to die? Emma:
Absolutely! I was petrified. I thought I was never going to see my sons ever again. Then Simon arrived – I was high as a kite on morphine and got so emotional. As they were taking me down to theatre, I just kept thinking, “I’m going to die – this is it. I’m not going to make it.” As they were prepping me for surgery, I had to keep signing lots of forms. I just felt devastated and so overwhelmed. It was the most frightening time I’ve ever had. How were you feeling at that moment, Simon?
I went into “look after Emma” mode. I knew I had to keep calm for her. I was reassuring her and then on the phone to her mum. I just kept saying they did those sorts of operations every day. Once Emma had gone down and I was sat on my own, it hit me. They told me Emma would’ve died if it had been left for a few more hours. She was literally two hours away from death. So it was seriously critical, Emma?
Yes, as the ectopic pregnancy had ruptured. They had to remove my fallopian tube. I can’t remember how much blood I lost. I was in the operating theatre for two hours. But when the doctor came to see me the following morning, she said I was lucky to be alive. When I woke up, it was the biggest relief I’ve felt in my life. Simon:
It was then that Emma probably realised it wasn’t a dream and she was married to me! (Both laugh.) Looking back, were there warning signs? Emma:
All the stomach and shoulder pains I was getting were symptoms. I was feeling sick all the time. If I had known I was pregnant and had looked up those symptoms, it would have come up immediately saying I was having an ectopic pregnancy. Mine went to seven weeks, but they usually find it within four or five weeks. That’s why it ruptured and turned into a life-ordeath situation. Simon:
The amazing thing was that once Emma had recovered, she went out with friends one night, started chatting to two guys – and one of them was the doctor who’d operated on her! And his mate was the doctor who looked after Alfie when he had suspected meningitis. It was unbelievable that she bumped into the two blokes who saved her and Alfie. Emma, how did it affect you when you were coming to terms with what happened? At first, I was relieved. But because of everything I’ve been through in the last 12 years and all the heartache from having 12 miscarriages, I started to get low for a time. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know if it was that I hadn’t dealt with all the miscarriages emotionally. I think it all came to a head because I’d had a miscarriage again, but this time it very nearly killed me. It was a reality check. I’d been bottling up all the emotions. I find it difficult to express myself anyway – I even find it difficult with Simon and my family. I don’t want to offload my problems on to other people. So how did you finally deal with it all? Emma: I ended up going on forums and started reading other people’s stories. I wrote a few blogs myself. It was easier that way as nobody knew who I was or who I was married to. It started to make me realise my emotions weren’t weird – it wasn’t odd to feel guilty, helpless or less of a woman. There was one forum in particular – the EPT [Ectopic Pregnancy Trust] forum at ectopic.org.uk. They were my support. It makes you realise how common it is – one in every 80 is an ectopic pregnancy; the figure for miscarriage is much higher. What about you, Simon?
It was a bit of a slow burner for me. I had been playing a part – the one where I had kept calm – so it took a while to get it all out. In typical bloke style, I went to the pub and got bladdered! Were you offered a funeral to help with your grief? Simon:
They said we could scatter the ashes. It must be a new thing because we’d never been offered that before. Emma:
We did originally say yes, but when the time came to have a service, I just wasn’t strong enough to attend. It was a lovely idea – it was for us and other people who had lost babies. I still feel extremely guilty about it, but I also feel guilty that we didn’t do it for the other babies we lost. Simon:
When we lost our first baby in 2006 at 21 weeks, we didn’t get that opportunity to say goodbye to her, so I think it felt a little wrong. We were still trying to cope with the grief. We did it in our own way and sat at home giving the boys a cuddle, and being thankful that we have them.
You mentioned you have feelings of guilt. Emma:
Massively. What did I do wrong? Why me? I’ve already got children. Why am I trying for more? I feel bad that other people really struggle and have to spend lots of money having IVF. There are all these emotions, but there is no right or wrong way to deal with them. Do you feel that people don’t talk about these situations enough? Emma:
The stigma has been removed from having miscarriages, but ectopic pregnancy isn’t discussed enough – I didn’t really know anything about it. The more you talk, the more you can help other people and spot the signs. It’s such a dangerous condition. Have doctors ever been able to discover why you miscarried? Emma:
No, they haven’t. I didn’t go full term with the boys either. You’ve always been about wanting more children, but is that it now? Emma:
I don’t think I could go through losing another baby emotionally. Anybody who has lost a baby knows how you suffer. It’s happened so much to me that those emotions just seemed to become part of my life. Every time I found out I was pregnant, I never felt joyous. I would just fear the worst.
I don't think my mind or body could do it any more. Simon:
It's nine months of worry every time. We spend those months worrying ourselves to death. I don't know how we've got through it. How has it affected your body, Emma?
I am full of operation scars and stretch marks. My body couldn't take any more and I know that in my mind, I couldn't. I am a strong person, but I'm not emotionally strong enough to go through that again. I'm grateful for the family I've got. Hopefully, one day I'll have a granddaughter. Would you consider adoption? Emma:
We did, but Alfie is starting high school [Year 7] in September and Henry is hard work. In my mind, I have come to terms with us just having the three boys. We are at peace with the idea of not having any more. Simon:
When we bought our house, we intended to fill it full of children, but we got to three boys and that's enough. How are you both feeling today? Emma:
We kept it a secret for so many years. But talking has allowed me to grieve. I feel in a much stronger place. I've been to see a counsellor as I've had some times when I've felt very low. That's why I can openly speak about what's happened now. Talking about it has really helped. Simon:
It's like a boiling kettle – if you don't let the steam out, it's going to explode. You have to speak about it and that helps you to deal with it in your own head. That means you can move on. Once we got over what happened physically, we had to work out how we were going to deal with it mentally. We are a strong couple and have come out the other side. How are the boys doing? Emma:
Alfie starting high school makes me feel a little bit old and a bit sick. He's got a phone, is on lnstagram and is well into his fashion.
Simon: Our little boy is growing up. He loves fashion, which he obviously doesn't get from me! Emma:
Harry is a mini Simon. He's so lazy! If we let him, he would sleep in until 3pm every day. He doesn't give a monkey's about anything either.
Simon: He has his comic timing
down to a tee. And Henry is a Disney baby – he looks that cute, he will get away with anything! He's reached the terrible twos and his brothers are living in fear of him. He rules the roost. We're so lucky that we have such beautiful kids, and Emma and I are so happy together.