Singing the blues JULIA’S BACK IN HARMONY
Depression’s sorted better as a duo!
When Julia Grace split from her husband of 17 years, she believed that time would be a great healer when it came to her heartache. Instead, she says it was sadly the trigger for her first bout of depression.
But the Tui award-winning singer-songwriter confesses to Woman’s Day that it took years before she was correctly diagnosed and could get her life back on track.
“For me, depression was a bit of cumulative effect,” tells Julia. “Each time around Christmas I would feel a bit burnt out. I went to the doctor early on and they said I seemed OK but heartbroken and stressed, and was told to keep doing what I’m doing. But over time, I was feeling less rather than more.”
It was during a trip to Bali in 2015 after a rebound romance ended that Julia, 46, says she felt the full impact of depression.
“I look back at that holiday now and I laugh, but at the time it was awful. I cried everywhere. I cried in the pool, around the pool, under the pool, all over the pool. I cried for two solid weeks,” she recalls. “The reality is that this is when the depression was really kicking in.
“I later wrote a song about it called ‘Hotels and Heartbreak’, and it talks about the fact that even though I’m in paradise, my heart is still in tiny pieces. You can be in a beautiful setting but your mood will follow you.”
When Woman’s Day asked Julia to hero her special someone during her darkest days for our campaign Half It, which highlights the importance of taking the time to listen to those with depression, she didn’t hesitate in her choice.
During that dreaded Balinese holiday, her close friend Jennie Nicholas was on hand to help her through every sorrowful moment. And on their return home, the support continued.
“Jennie just listened, day in and day out,” says Julia. “She was such an incredible sounding board because the first part of dealing with wellness is being able to open up and have someone listen. She never ever said to me, ‘That’s enough’ or, ‘I don’t want to hear any more.’ She’s incredibly empathetic. I felt like she was on my team and on my side. She was definitely the shoulder to cry on and the listening ear.”
Coping tools
Jennie, 40, from Taranaki, adds, “Sometimes people don’t really need advice. They just want to be able to just talk. We’ve all been in that situation, I’m sure. Julia is a smart lady so she wasn’t really looking for advice, she just needed to cry it out.”
When mum-of-two Julia from Auckland returned to New Zealand, she saw a GP and was taught some tools to deal with her depression, which she still uses today.
“Like a sports injury, it’s not something that just goes away and you are magically cured,” she explains. “We are all on a wellness spectrum and things change, especially in a woman’s world with
hormones. For me, it’s about being honest about how much stress I can manage and how much I choose to manage.”
However, her pal Jennie, who she met in church in 2010, also says that depression doesn’t have a clear-cut look. She reveals that before Julie took a proactive approach to her mental health, she wasn’t particularly showing the true tell-tale signs of depression.
“While there were tears, she was still quite bubbly,” says Jennie. “She wasn’t a crying wreck every time I saw her. But people are quite good at covering up when they aren’t doing that well. That’s why it’s good when you have close friends to ask the question, ‘Are you OK?’ It’s good that we are all getting more aware about that now.”
Julia’s journey has inspired her to combine her roles of keynote speaker and musician to help others with mental health issues, and she’s just completed a packed-out tour of Australia.
“I always use the acronym
RUM. Mental health issues are Reasonable, Universal and Manageable,” says Julia. “And I now have the incredible privilege of being able to share my journey with thousands of people around New Zealand and Australia.”
But Julia says that best of all is that she fell in love once again, getting married last year to Mykle, 47.
“It’s a whole different world this time,” she says with a smile.