Let’s talk about sex

Jodie Molloy answers your most intimate questions

QI prefer to not have my husband put himself inside me. I know it frustrates him because he wants to do it whenever he can, but I’m not sure I can pretend any longer that it excites me. I’d rather just focus on other things. Is this wrong?

● Not Interested, Snells Beach

A Nothing is wrong if it’s how you feel, but this needs to be discussed and accounted for in terms of your relationship with your husband. There are a million ways you can still have an intimate relationship, but it sounds like you should at least have an honest chat or perhaps some couples therapy. You don’t mention if your unwillingness is because of something emotional or physical, or if it is the size of his penis (a common turnoff for women). It may be you are completely aware of the cause, but you owe it to him to be honest. You have been pretending up until this point and it’s not fair on either of you.

Q My boyfriend and I are living with my parents while we save money for a house. One day, when we thought we were alone, my mum walked in on me giving my boyfriend oral sex and it was horrifying. Do we just ignore it or bring it up and clear the air? Should we be apologising?

● Mortified, Palmerston North

A I think that you need to address the elephant in the bedroom. What you are describing is everybody’s worst nightmare. “Sorry” is a tough word because you didn’t mean to offend or cause harm. What you might want to do is leave your boyfriend out of it, take your mum aside for a private moment and simply say, “I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m really embarrassed.” I think that sometimes just saying what you feel and leaving it at that is best. Alternatively, if the cringe is just too much to handle in person, maybe write a nice note and leave it discreetly for her to read in her own time.

QMy

sister is having an engagement party and I want to get her a sex toy. She’s super-fussy and allergic to loads of things. Any ideas?

● Sisterly Love, Seatoun

ASilicone

is a girl’s best friend. That said, I’m always concerned when I hear of women buying other women sex toys as they are about to embark on a lifetime sexual journey with somebody, like it’s a parting gift! However, a popular choice is the Adam & Eve Silicone Diamond Darling. This is for everybody, single or married, and great friends should consider buying “feelgood” gifts for all occasions.