‘WE STARVED OURSELVES TO STAND OUT'
The sisters were just hours away from dying as they struggled with the eating disorder
Auckland twins Libby and Madi Schipper may look identical, both work in the health and wellness industry, and finish one another’s sentences. But while the 26-year-old sisters now revel in their similarities, past comparisons saw them develop the devastating eating disorder anorexia, which has plagued their lives and, at one stage, almost killed them.
“Growing up, we were very healthy and active, but we had puppy fat and got bullied a lot,” says Libby, who grew up with her sister by the beach in Pukekohe, South Auckland. “I remember wanting to be smaller from about six years old. People would compare Madi and I, which neither of us liked. I learnt one of the ways I could be different was through physical image and so I started to lose weight at 11.”
Libby began restricting her food and, within a month, had lost 5kg. “People started telling me I looked so great, but Madi noticed, got angry and said I wasn’t acting like me,” she tells Woman’s Day. “Neither of us knew what eating disorders were and it kind of snowballed from there.”
Libby started exercising and slowly her days began to revolve around working out, as well as avoiding food or drink. By age 12, she’d dropped 25 kilos and weighed just 37kg. But the light in her eyes had gone, and the once vibrant and happy child now yelled at anyone who tried to feed or help her because of her anxiety around eating.
“I was on death’s bed and ended up in Starship hospital,” recalls Libby, now a youth mentor and former personal trainer. “I was told if I’d left it another 12 hours, I’d have died. I had mild hypothermia, low blood pressure and iron, and my kidneys were failing. When you’re at that stage, you’re too scared to even take in a breath of air because you’re terrified that you’ll put on weight.”
Libby stayed in hospital for three months, was monitored daily and slowly put weight back on. “I cried for the first week from morning to night,” she remembers. “I was so exhausted but felt a sense of relief because I was safe and knew I couldn’t keep going the way I was.
“I knew I was about to die. Your heart aches and it feels like it’s going to explode because you’re putting so much pressure on your body. You can’t see or hear because you’re so malnourished.”
But the trauma wasn’t over for the Schipper family and, one year later, Madi’s unexpected
battle with anorexia began.
While her sister’s eating disorder saw her stand out, Madi saw academia as her way to shine. She explains, “At 13, I was really driven by study, and based my self-worth on intelligence and getting excellence every time. I’d study from six in the morning before school until about 11 at night just to get the best grades. I felt like I had to be perfect, but there’s no such thing.”
Unknowingly, as she isolated herself and put studying ahead of eating or drinking, Madi – now a health coach and youth mentor, with a background in mental health and disability care – began to lose weight. When she noticed her thinning frame, she believed life would be great if she were both smaller and smarter.
Madi ended up in and out of Auckland City Hospital, where some of the nurses and doctors referred to her as “the anorexic”.
She recalls, “I was afraid of sitting and needed to be standing upright because I thought if I sat on any surface, I was resting and might put on weight. It doesn’t make sense to me now, but that’s the eating disorder. In 2016, I was put in a residential facility with other females, which was really hard and I actually lost weight because I was in competition with the others.”
Between their relapses, Libby studied hospitality management, while Madi started a degree in psychology, before another in nursing, although these studies were all interrupted by returns of the eating disorder.
Libby admits, “We’ve had so many relapses and if one of us has been unwell, the other is well. We’ve always been on this seesaw.”
Madi had her last relapse in January 2019, when she was hospitalised after a solo trip around the world. She got through her days by reading, which she loves, and found a quote that put her health into perspective.
“It’s one by James Baldwin, who was part of the black civil rights movement, which says, ‘Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.’ I read it over and over, and it gave me the mentality shift I needed. It’s really stuck with me. Anorexia is so dark and soul-destroying, and it really takes all of your might to get through every day.”
Meanwhile, Libby moved home to Auckland from Wellington last November, following a messy break-up with her fiancé after she relapsed and was again on her deathbed. She reached rock bottom and contemplated ending her life.
“Coming back to Auckland to be around friends and family was what I needed – otherwise I wouldn’t be here today,” shares Libby.
“Our parents have been so supportive and we’re so grateful for them. My friend also introduced me to the gym, and it completely flipped my whole perception around treating and moving your body well. I got into weights and bodybuilding, and my passion for training grew.”
Last year, Libby shaved off her hair as a fundraiser for the Mental Health Foundation and her sister cut hers not long after. Their goal is to educate others around eating disorders as they continue their recovery, spreading awareness through their social media channels and the health industry.
“We don’t weigh ourselves any more,” tells Libby. “Instead, we listen to and honour our bodies through intuitive eating and exercise, as opposed to torturing them. Madi and
I lost a lot, from jobs and opportunities, to confidence, self-belief, financial stability and independence. But we’re learning every day and helping other people heals us massively.”
Madi adds, “Initially, recovery for us was a means of survival, but it’s evolved into educating others about eating disorders because receiving any form of professional treatment is hard. The waiting list to be seen, assessed and cared for is excruciatingly long. Our passion is to unite all the beautiful souls who’ve ever had an eating disorder or mental illness, and to have their voices heard and respected.”
‘We honour our bodies as opposed to torturing them’