DITCH THE SCRIPT, BITCH!

Radio diva Polly Gillespie reckons romance shouldn’t require a coach or costume

Treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen? Well, that’s absolutely brilliant if that’s who you are and have always been. If you’re the gal who’s always authentically just rolled that way, throwing potential partners no bones, then bravo, queen!

But if you’re doing it because some good-looking, charming, sweet-talking online dating coach has suggested it, then you’re immediately putting yourself in “gamer” mode. You’re playing a part in someone else’s fairy tale and eventually you’ll forget you’re playing a part.

Or you’ll become exhausted by it and – oh, gosh, perish the thought – you’ll turn into you again and the other player may decide to quit the production.

I have never intentionally played it mean to keep ’em keen. I’ve sometimes ignored men on purpose, only to discover they’ve become way more interested and insistent.

It’s very annoying and I’ve wanted to shout (or text in all caps): “Go away! This is not a game. When I like a man, I’m annoying and very obviously interested!” But I don’t – I just continue to ignore them.

I’ve accidentally ignored men I’d usually be way too obviously interested in because work has got insanely busy and I haven’t had a chance to be overly attentive. That has had a similar effect. I’ve also lulled them into a false hope that I’m low-maintenance. Oops!

But what I have learnt, rather too slowly for my liking, is that you have to show up to life – in this case, specifically, dating life – with no costume, no mask (unless it’s for health reasons) and no script delivered from a dating guru.

Invariably, you are asking for disaster if you’re playing dress-ups. It’s a bit like expecting Robert Pattinson to always be Edward Cullen. Or Sarah Jessica Parker to be Carrie Bradshaw.

You and I need to be liked for who we are when we are just yarning and hanging out with our best mates. That’s who we are. No scripts. No coaching.

No costumes from the wardrobe department.

This doesn’t give you permission to be needy, stalker-y or annoying. But if that’s who you truly are? Maybe that’s what some partners want.

There is apparently someone for everyone, right? And it may be something a little therapy can address. Therapy is way better than a trespass or protection order.

Just do you, though, boo. Just you do you.

Be sure to check out Polly’s new radio show from 8pm weeknights on Today FM.

‘I’ve lulled men into a false hope that I’m low maintenance. Oops!’