JUDGE JAY-JAY

More FM radio diva Jay-Jay Feeney delivers her verdict on your biggest dilemmas

HOW SOON IS TOO SOON? Dear Jay-Jay,

I read your column every week and I love your straight-up advice! I’m curious if you can give me some guidance. My husband and I divorced four years ago, and I have been single ever since. I have two teenage children who share their time between us, but that’s probably superfluous to my quandary.

Anyway, I have a very good male friend who I absolutely adore. He is handsome, kind and intelligent. I have liked him for years, but of course I never did anything about it because we were both married. I get the feeling he likes me too because we flirt with each other a lot.

Unfortunately, his wife died of cancer recently. She was only 46. I would really like to ask him out on an official date and see if there could be something between us, but I don’t know how long I should wait – and I don’t want to risk him meeting someone else before I let him know how I feel! What do you think?

Brenda, Titirangi

Hi Brenda,

Don’t be too hasty! I know it’s different for everyone, but like the saying goes, could you wait for the body to be cold first? This is a delicate situation that needs extra care. He will be mourning and going on dates or finding new love will be the last thing on his mind right now.

How long did you need after splitting from your husband before you felt ready to date again? Not many people are ready for love too soon after a break-up and that is even more so after the death of a partner.

The best thing you can do right now is just be there for your friend and let him know you care. Don’t come on too strong – just be the best support you can be without making a beeline for his lips or zipper!

If you’re a close friend and he’s interested in you, you will be top of mind when he is ready to embrace love again.

Jay-Jay

A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky situations to Jay-Jay – email wdaynz@aremedia.co.nz.