JUDGE JAY-JAY

More FM radio diva Jay-Jay Feeney delivers her verdict on your biggest dilemmas

TEENS TURNED TOXIC

Hi Jay-Jay,

You probably don’t get many letters from men, but I like to read the odd Woman’s Day

magazine from time to time. I saw your column and wonder if you can help me with a really sensitive issue.

I have recently divorced my wife and she hasn’t taken it very well. She has tried hard to sabotage and upset my life since we split up three years ago, and she’s caused me quite a few headaches in the process.

I take it all in my stride, but one thing she has done has hurt me deeply. She has poisoned our kids against me. It took me a long time to win over one of them, but two of my teenagers won’t talk to me unless they are sending me horrible messages.

I try to remain calm and I never say anything bad about their mother, but my heart is so broken over this. I love my kids more than life itself. I don’t know how to get them back in my life.

Distraught Dad, Mosgiel

Dear Distraught Dad,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. This is an extremely delicate and difficult situation for you. I had an idea of what I would advise you, but I ran this past my Facebook followers for other insights from people who have been there and we are pretty much on the same page.

Teenagers can be stubborn and their main concern is themselves, so you can excuse them for not having much sympathy for anyone else in this situation. Your kids are obviously hurting, but whether they have been “poisoned” or not, they are making it loud and clear to you that this is hard for them too.

Despite what they are saying or how they are behaving, they need you more than ever right now, so please don’t let them push you away. Let them know that you are there for them always, that you love them and you miss them, and that you hope to see them again as soon as they are ready.

Ignore their angry messages. Make sure you continue to send them regular texts, birthday gifts etc. Keep all communication positive. They will come around in their own time and when they do, they cannot accuse you of not caring or loving them because you would have proven them otherwise.

I’m really sorry you are going through this. Be patient and calm. It could be a long wait, but I’m pretty sure they will come around. In the meantime, enjoy spending time with the child you have “won over” and take care of you too.

Jay-Jay

A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky situations to Jay-Jay – email wdaynz@aremedia.co.nz.