JUDGE JAY-JAY
More FM radio diva Jay-Jay Feeney delivers her verdict on your biggest dilemmas
BRINGING SEXY BACK
Hi Jay-Jay,
This has taken me a few weeks to write because I can’t think of anyone else I can talk to about this because I know I will be judged.
I have been married for 12 years. I do love my wife, but she has really let herself go. She has put on quite a lot of weight and is very unhealthy. I hate myself for saying this, but I’m losing interest in her sexually.
I can’t tell her to lose weight because I’d look like an a***hole, but I really don’t know how I get the attraction back.
Please don’t be too harsh with your response.
DD, Hawera
Kia ora, DD!
Firstly, is your wife depressed by any chance? Because depression can bring on a lack of motivation and self-worth, and tends to lead some people into self-destruction.
If she is depressed, then you need to kindly and gently support her, and encourage her to get help. Offer to go with her to the doctor because that first step can be terrifying. If she gets the help she needs, she will probably start improving both mentally and physically. When she is feeling up to it, maybe you can look at couples therapy too. I think there must be more to this lack of attraction from you than just weight gain.
If your wife seems happy and is not depressed, then you have to do some work on yourself. Why is it so important to you that your wife is slimmer?
I want you to do something for me... for you! Write down all of the things that are attractive about her. Does she have beautiful eyes? An amazing laugh? An infectious personality? A kind heart?
Is she a great mum?
Keep reminding yourself of these gorgeous attributes of your wife. And try to have more fun together. It sounds like you’re lacking a connection and you need to reignite the spark you once had. We are all getting older, possibly uglier and chubbier. Even you. That is life. We learn to love our partners for far more than they are on the outside.
Get the zest for life back in your relationship and you will find your wife sexier again.
Best of luck to you both, Jay-Jay A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email wdaynz@aremedia.co.nz.