THE PAIN BEHIND THE LAUGHS
Besties Jess and Sandra reveal the real-life heartaches behind their upcoming show
It was a simple night watching TV at home on Valentine’s Day 2023 that changed actress and comedian Jess Loudon’s life forever. “I’m perennially and pathetically single, so I was watching something trashy to make me feel better about my appalling dating life,” recalls the Brokenwood Mysteries actress.
During an ad break, Jess, 44, reached to pick something up and when she stood up, her head collided hard with an overhead shelf. She felt immediate searing pain, followed by three hours of vomiting. In hindsight, she should’ve gone to A&E, but instead she went to bed, swallowing some Nurofen in the morning to help her through a day of teaching drama to children.
It took an after-work trip to the supermarket with a friend to realise something was seriously wrong. Jess’ pal was suspicious when she started staring at the ceiling in a trance, then began looking for pasta in the freezer section. A visit to the doctor confirmed a brain injury due to concussion.
“It was scary,” recalls Aussieborn, Auckland-based Jess. “I didn’t get out of bed for six days. I’d slur my words. I was dribbling like Homer Simpson. I couldn’t get my hand to open a jar. I had brain glitches, where I just shorted out. It was like when you’re driving a manual car and you get stuck between gears.”
Terrifyingly, there was a possibility she wouldn’t recover enough to act or teach again. But after four months, Jess slowly regained her strength and got back into regular life – until she suffered a second concussion last September. While on set for a short film, she bumped her head on a kitchen cupboard, shunting her brain from one side to the other.
“My health deteriorated significantly – it was worse than the first time,” tells Jess. “I couldn’t stand for long periods, I was losing my balance and I was in pain. It’s taken seven months to get back to being 90% normal. I couldn’t drive for longer than an hour and I wasn’t allowed to fly.
It felt like COVID lockdown, but it was just me – everyone else was going on as usual.”
Some days felt very bleak, but Jess credits her friends for getting her through, including “amazing” Waikato primary school teacher Sandra Pace,
‘I’d slur my words and was dribbling like Homer Simpson’
her co-star in the upcoming NZ International Comedy Festival show Yeah Nah Pavlova.
The pair met on Brokenwood, where Sandra, 41, was working as an extra, the pair chatting away during breaks in filming.
“I just thought she was another extra – I had no clue that she had a main part as nurse Beth and was quite an accomplished actress,” giggles Sandra, who also knows what it’s like to experience tough times, having had to undergo a hysterectomy in her early thirties after being diagnosed with cervical cancer.
“I’m one of the lucky ones – a walking advert for the importance of smear tests,” says British-born Sandra. “They found it early. The worst thing was telling my mum, who was back in London, over the phone. She cried a lot and then went quiet, which is unusual for Mum.
“Her initial response was, ‘Darling, do whatever you can – just don’t die.’ But when I told her I was getting a hysterectomy for the best chance of not having the cancer return, she said, ‘Oh, don’t be too rushed with that decision.’ I was like, ‘Mum, you’re not getting any grandkids, so let’s rule that out!’”
Looking for humour in every dark situation is important to Sandra, whose life motto has been to “find the funny” ever since an operation saw her confined to a wheelchair for a year at age 21.
“I chose to get leg-lengthening surgery because I was fourfoot-nine [1.45m] and it sucked,” she tells. “It was something I needed to do for myself.”
Sandra underwent an operation where her legs were broken in two places and fitted with frames, stretching them a little bit every day until she reached 1.55m.
“It felt like my bones were on fire and it was very sobering being in a wheelchair for a year,” she says. “But when you look at those bad times in your life and discover the hidden moments of humour, you can look back, laugh and create a better mindset.”
Nodding, Jess adds, “Like when I told my mum back in Australia that I was doing this upcoming show and she said, ‘Oh, great, now you can be an embarrassment in two countries.’ Funny is good
– you can’t be a sensitive diva in my family!”
Jess and Sandra’s show Yeah Nah Pavlova is on in Auckland on 16 & 17 May. For tickets, visit comedyfestival.co.nz.
Motherhood is often portrayed as a natural and effortless experience, but for many women, the journey to having a child can be fraught with challenges and heartache.
This is certainly true for Auckland mum Karen Hussey, 43, whose heartbreaking quest to expand her family after the birth of her son Reuben four years ago has taken a significant toll on her emotional and physical wellbeing.
Even after seven miscarriages, the devastating loss of a baby at 16 weeks and going through five unsuccessful rounds of IVF, Karen is not ready to give up.
“It hasn’t been the journey I hoped for to complete my family, but you have to try to make the best of your experiences. Being an older mum is part of the reason for what’s happening and I will eventually come to a point where I either have a second child or be at peace with not having another.
“At the moment, though, I’m still working it out and am lucky to have the mental resilience to carry on.”
Karen’s motherhood journey began later in life as she was focused on building a highflying career throughout her twenties and most of her thirties. After climbing the corporate ladder and working as an HR executive for several large companies, Karen became disillusioned and at the age of 38, she took half a year off to see if she could “fall back in love” with her job.
“I had never shut the door on having children, but it hadn’t felt like the right time before,” reveals Karen. “During my six-month break, I fell pregnant naturally and felt really at peace with being an older mum.”
Sadly, her joy was shortlived as just six weeks into the pregnancy, Karen had her first miscarriage.
“I was devastated and after going through all the emotions over the loss, I realised I really did want to have a family.”
Given her age, Karen and her husband Ben Hussey, now 45, decided to go straight to a fertility specialist, and Reuben was conceived naturally a few months later.
“I fell completely in love with Reuben the minute he was put into my arms and felt such an immediate connection to motherhood. By the time he was one, I had turned 40 and I knew I wanted another baby. I was an only child myself and really wanted Reuben to have a sibling to go through life with.”
Around the same time, Karen decided to give up her corporate career for good and do something completely different.
“I purchased the muchloved Parnell business Flowers After Hours and threw myself into running it,” she tells.
All the while,
Karen continued to try for another baby, which over the last three years has resulted in many harrowing and heartwrenching experiences.
She has lost seven more pregnancies, conceived either naturally or via IVF, at various stages.
“The hardest was losing our second son at 16 weeks. It was such a traumatic experience.”
After that loss, Karen started to think about ways she could turn her personal pain into an initiative that raised awareness and made a difference in the lives of women facing similar struggles. She came across the story of Jaimee Lupton, who lost her daughter, affectionately nicknamed Gingernut, when she was born early, after an IVF pregnancy. In her daughter’s memory, Jaimee started a charity called Gingernut’s Angels, dedicated to helping alleviate financial stress for families facing fertility struggles.
“I was inspired by Jaimee and reached out to see if we could collaborate on a Mother’s Day initiative to raise funds for the charity.”
Karen says the day is a “massive event” in the flower industry, but she understands what a triggering and sad time the celebration can be for women experiencing the heartache of loss or who are struggling to conceive.
“Things as simple as going on social media or out in public around Mother’s Day can be incredibly difficult,” tells Karen.
So she and her team created a bouquet called The Gingernut, and for every bunch sold throughout May at its two Auckland stores and online, Flowers After Hours will donate $10 to Gingernut’s Angels.
“The bouquet is something people can send as a gesture to those they know are struggling with fertility issues, especially when they don’t have the words or know how best to support,” Karen explains. “Having been through this experience, something like this would mean so much.”
Karen hopes the fundraising campaign and telling her personal story will help to raise awareness about the experience of infertility and pregnancy loss.
“This is a club no one wants to be part of and it’s impossible to truly understand the journey unless you’ve been through it. Sharing stories with others who have gone through similar experiences can help women to feel less alone, more understood and hold on to hope.”