JUDGE JAY-JAY

More FM radio diva Jay-Jay Feeney delivers her verdict on your biggest dilemmas

CHEAT SHEET

Hi Jay-Jay,

I need your advice about my cheating husband. We’ve been married for 15 years and we have a very good relationship. We have one child and he is 10.

My husband has been a bit distant lately and he confessed that he’s getting “a bit bored” with our sex life. I understand because I’m having the same sex life!

In his opinion, we don’t do it enough. We do it at least once every week or so and he puts in no effort.

We went to a party last week and both got very drunk. At around midnight, I went looking for him because I wanted to go home. I found him in a darkened room with another woman! They weren’t naked, but they had been doing some serious groping. I was so shocked that I turned around and left.

He arrived home not long after me and was grovelling like never before. He said he was drawn to her by the excitement of something new and didn’t want anything more than just a release!

We are currently sleeping in separate rooms and the vibe in our house is icy. We told our son that I haven’t been sleeping well, hence the separate beds.

Should I throw away my whole marriage for this? Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? I want to forgive him, but I don’t know if I can.

Renee, via email

Hi Renee,

Letters like this make me realise how much responsibility I have in giving you advice. If you can keep in mind that this is just my opinion and I have a very open mind, then take from this what you need.

Society puts pressure on us to dump cheating husbands, never forgive and blame them for all of the problems in the marriage. But if you can block out what anyone else would think about this, focusing on how you feel and what you want, then you will have your answer.

Do you think you can forgive him? Can you learn to trust him again? Do you want to continue in this marriage? These are three very important questions to ask yourself and you need to answer yes to them if you want to work things out.

Talk to your husband about what led to all of this, and how you can both move forward with more love and connection.

Even though it sounds terrifying, I strongly suggest marriage counselling. It really will help you bounce back from this. You have your son to consider too. He needs to feel secure no matter what decision you ultimately make.

If you want out, then this is the time to do that. Get the support of friends and family to help you through this. Please don’t do it alone.

You don’t deserve to be betrayed like this, but only you know your husband and how you feel. It’s really up to you to decide if this is something you can put behind you or not.

All the best, Jay-Jay

A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email wdaynz@aremedia.co.nz.