What makes a successful marriage?

A conversation on how a successful marriage is measured came up on a social media site and someone argued that marriage can’t be measured by the number of years it has lasted.

Chinyere Obi, 36, doesn’t believe marriage can be termed successful because of the number of years it has lasted. “I don’t see a marriage as successful because of the number of years it has lasted. You wouldn’t know what the couples have had to put up with each other to remain married. Nigerians need to know what a successful marriage entails and not just counting the number of years it has lasted.”

Hajara Ismail, 40-year-old accountant and a friend of Chinyere, says “It’s not only Nigerians who measure successful marriages from the time two people were joined in marriage. It’s just pathetic. Chinyere has said it all. Some people are just funny to think that because a couple has been married for several years, their union can be termed as successful. There are instances where one, either the wife or husband, is secretly not happy in the marriage but had to put up a happy face for the sake of society. I know a lot of marriages that would have been better off without one of the couple in it.”

Aishat Yahaya, 40-year-old lawyer, asks “Why does the society associate long years of marriage with being successful? Though, on a personal note, I believe the number of years couples have spent together is part of having a successful marriage, but at the same time, I feel there should be more to a successful marriage than the number of years it has lasted. Until you are close to people, don’t use their relationship or marriage as a yardstick for success. Some has been married for several decades, but they are better off separated or divorced.”

Olufunke Lawal, 39-year-old teacher, says “There is an adage that says marriage isn’t about winning but lasting. The worst part of this perceived long years of marriage is that it ends up producing sad, low self-esteem and sometimes aggressive children.

Marriage counselor Maryam Abdulahi says “A successful marriage cannot be judged by just one instance, though the number of years a couple have stayed plays a major role in it. On the other hand, there are also instances where a couples who aren’t happy stay for the sake of society or the children, in this instance the number of years they have stayed cannot be used to measure its success.

“A successful marriage entails trust. To gain trust, there must be open communication and honesty between the couple. A successful marriage can be termed as being happy with your choice and content with it. But most of all, when it comes to the society we live in today, a successful marriage is about loving, sharing, understanding, honesty, effective communication, appreciation, respect and most of all forgiveness. Forgiveness is important in marriage, I emphasis on this because a marriage can have all of the other conditions but without forgiveness, nothing good comes out of the marriage. We are humans and get to offend ourselves once in a while. If we don’t forgive our partners no marriage can be termed as successful. We need to forgive to be able to move on and have a successful marriage. Every couple that has had a successful marriage will testify to this, that forgiveness is key. No marriage is perfect but forgiveness gives it a new beginning.”