Share your resources with America; not your diseases

It was a summit that emptied Africa of its despots and dictators. Only a global headmaster like America could have pulled it off. Officially, it lasted three days, but Washington DC would never be the same as 40 African ruiners ‘waka come’; no apology to Mama Peace who was a no show. Imagine the grammatical invention that would have described Chantal Biya’s eclectic hairdo or the Olympian height of Ange, Paul Kagame’s delectable daughter? Sometimes, absence is the safest form of presence.

Give it to the Americans, they know how to boost their own economy. African finance ministers would have sacrificed anything for their masters to live big in America. Imagine the struggle to outdo the other in getting lodgings best suited for emperors? No effort could have been spared, even if it meant spending all the gains of AGOA in one week.

A continental public holiday was unwittingly declared in Africa while their excellences were away. But four countries failed to shut down - Uncle Bob’s Zimbabwe, Omar al-Bashir’s Sudan, Catherine Samba Panza’s CAR and Isaias Afewerki’s Eritrea. Obama can stand some dictators, but not others.

In the absence of Mama Peace, a new word was added to the lexicon - it is ‘officie’ official portraits taken with Barack and Michele Obama. Too bad White House photographers can’t make their own millions from these officies. Each ruler tried to outdo the other in getting it on their social media handle. A little bird told me that Obama deflated the overbloated ego of his guests by asking his protocol officers to line them up for the pictures, ignoring loud protests of who should go first. Usually, Paul Biya should have the honour. He has been in government before Obama left high school.

If this was a summit for democrats, it also featured kleptocrats and other characters. There was one absolute monarch, King Mswati III of Swaziland who at 46 had trouble picking which of his 15 wives qualify for this officie with the Obamas. But as far as things go, he was in the good company of two democratic monarchs - Joseph Kabila of DRC and Faure Gnassingbe of Togo, both inherited the throne of their late fathers.

President Jones was in angelic company where a man like Theodoro Obiang Nguema was sitting. Our president has not bought the whole of Naija and unlike Yahya Jammeh he has no intention of running again in 2019 although we might need to reconfirm from Tony Anenih. Except he has spent too much time with Burkina Faso’s, Blaise Compaore he is unlikely to seek life presidency with a referendum even if the National Corn-ference recommends it.

Africa is a basket case. Host to some of the most deprived people on planet earth, but sitting on top of the resources that makes for luxury and human existence. Its wealth has always been common wealth to anyone who dares. The Europeans pillaged it for 400 years and after five decades of self-ruin, the Chinese have taken over. Why should the Americans be left out? They sure need the endorsement of rulers with questionable mandates who rule their nations with iron fist. Big brother has watched long enough.

Africa is a theatre of religious war and America has pledged $110 million to help bring down two of the most virulent killers, al-Shabaab in the east and Boko Haram and Tuareg rebels to the west. They also want to keep an eye on rudderless Libya that they helped ‘liberate’. A chunk of that money would buy American arms while another chunk would help pay those American trainers to help our boy scouts know how to use them.

Obama gave no room for private meetings, unlike his guests, he has a country to run. While the rulers were eating continental meals most of their citizens were dying. Two heads of states couldn’t make the jamboree and only those at the meeting are guaranteed to see Obama’s lifeline reach Africa. They are the ones protected from the new scourge - ebola which is decimating the population of Africa. For all the altruism of the Americans, ebola could wipe out the entire continent in six months, a feat that family planning, AIDS and malaria has failed to do in five decades. Somehow ebola was not on the Washington agenda. Maybe another meeting would be called on it.

America has always helped out. Two of its citizens caught the terminator that kills 90% of those it hits in Africa. America removed them back home and has successfully treated them. For now, what America would not do, is share the saving grace with the heart of darkness. It seems the death toll of nearly 1000 in six months is not alarming enough. No doubt, America is our friend and even friends set bonds of amity. For now Africa, share your resources with America not your diseases.

Africa is a basket

case. Host to some of the most deprived people on planet earth, but sitting on top of the resources that makes for luxury and human

existence