Orubebitis, social media, elections and dangerous prayers
In an election year, the best place to be is social media, and how lucky we are that our outgoing ‘ hero’, President Jones, brought us social media. That is the gospel according to Liebaron Maku, if you remember. But social media is a two-edged sword. It can be used for good or bad. In an election year, it is not for the faint-hearted. In today’s world the maxim is - I am on social media, therefore I exist.
It has been used as a tool of mass mobilization from Cairo, Egypt through Jefferson, USA. It has exposed the propensity to snatch ballot boxes, and include the votes of fishes, periwinkles and crabs as well as almajirai, cows and goats. All mothers do have them. Those who believed that Digbolugi Ayo Fayose’s scurrilous adverts on the president-in-waiting were the worst, have no idea what happens on social media.
It was here that the 2015 presidential polls were fought and won. To succeed as a social media guru, you have to be technology savvy, think on your feet, be as acerbic as you are humorous. We recalled that it was the poll results from the south south and southeast that forced the expression - waiting for Jega. While we were waiting, the twitterati amused themselves with tweets such as this one from the handle of someone going by the name Olusegun Obasanjo - “No matter the manipulation from SS & SE, don’t be dismayed. More results are coming from the North. Even the bible says; “Fear North”. (Sic)
Twitter challenges your précis because you have limited words to play with, but smart alecs use memes. Memes allows you to say less with pictures or art. On Facebook, things are different. Naija believes that Twitter is for matured minds while Facebook is for everyone else. The business minded goes to Google Plus or LinkedIn while the overtly narcissistic use Instagram. None of these is true of course.
Early election results determine winners or losers. So, when figures began to show the ruining party trailing the opposition, an ingenious Facebooker created a meme in which eight weeping emoticons featured prominently below the words - “PDP stalwarts be telling GEJ “bros, remain confident, PDP votes are like gari Ijebu, e go swell after elections” (sic).
One transition scene not to be easily forgotten is the encounter between Orubebe and Attahiru Jega. One post read - Soon Naija women will use Jega to insult their husbands - didn’t you see Jega so calm and collected? Be shouting like Orubebe.
The pharmaceutical lexicon is blessed with a new ailment according to another post - Orubebitis - acute inflammation of the reasoning faculties caused by sudden excessive proliferation of the Rubebe virus in the adrenal glands resulting in an excessive burst of adrenaline. Symptoms include: sudden burst of anger, shameless conduct in public, aggressive speech, disruption of peace and orderliness and generalized misbehavior. This virus is commonly exhibited by touts, ex-militants, okada riders, bus drivers and others of similar class. Though present in the general populace, the virus is rarely exhibited. In acute cases, a quick, single dose of Jegaquine will produce rapid results within a few minutes.
No sooner had the news filtered that President Jones had congratulated the man who trounced him at the polls, creative posters began to emerge in honour or disdain of roles played by various people. Well, the practice in Naija
Early election results determine winners or losers. So, when figures began to show the ruining party
trailing the opposition, an ingenious Facebooker created a meme in which eight weeping emoticons
featured prominently
is to display the president’s picture in public buildings and offices nationwide - one from a friend’s timeline anticipates this for Ekiti and here is what it says- “So Ekiti state governor, Ayo Fayose would have to sit in the same office with a portrait of GMB for four years with effect from May 29. Wow’.
Check this out - Buhari scored 15,424,921. Now 1+5+4+2+4+9+2+1 = 28, the election was held on March 28. Buhari made four attempts and becomes the 4th President of the 4th republic.
Let us end on a prayerful note abridged from another friend’s timeline - Oh God as you made those that wished Buhari dead turn round and congratulate him, let my enemies congratulate me. As you made Asari Dokubo eat his words, let those who vowed to turn my victory into mourning also eat their words. Let every negative advert of the enemy propel me into popularity and cheap victory. As you made the enemies of Buhari look for his missing certificate while he was coasting home to victory, send my enemies on useless errands while I breast the tape of success. As NTA and AIT turned round to speak good of Buhari whom they earlier maligned with bad documentaries, make my media enemies book to interview me when I succeed. May those who have been asking who are you begin to ask how are you? Those who tried to hide your certificate so that you may not succeed would later find and return it with apologies. If you believe, say amen!