Waiting for Buhari’s angels

If dreaming is not an offence, how come in criminal trials, guilt is established on proof of criminal intent, aka mens rea. (Be assured that the ‘r’ is not missing - thank you). So as a poor young adult, I enrolled in the Kwaratech diploma in law programme. It was real fun learning how the law screws men and women of straw and the unending Latin maxims that still comes handy and tends to throw lawyers off balance. In the journey of life, there are enough potholes to swallow every Joseph in his tracks.

After two years of toil and dreams of climbing the lofty ladder of law, my employer torpedoed the dream by refusing me pay long before Aregbesola perfected the art. Fee defaulters were not allowed to seat for examinations and my dreams of romance with law died as naturally as it began, but not before I was taught the principle of ‘invitation to treat’ in the law of contracts. The way I remember it, a trader could display their ware with a large signboard offering stupendous price tags to attract your attention, but they are not obliged to sell at that price. So, never take anything at face value.

The other day, I sashayed into a boutique advertising 50% off regular prices on their goods only to be told that the offer applied to coloured tags only. In another instance, a shoe shop offered to give me a second pair for a dollar! Since it is not shoeless Joe alone that jumps at Italian leather offers, I rushed in only to discover that the cheapest slippers in the shop displayed at $250. What more, buying it didn’t qualify me to grab the next Gucci for a dollar.

So, I am truly flummoxed to read all the sniggering and disparaging comments of enemies of Uncommon Transformation gloating over Godswill Akpabio’s medical flight to London less than six months after he commissioned a N5 billion world-class hospital in Uyo. They have no idea that London is the 32nd local government area of Akwa Ibom State and that Akpabio is exercising his right not to be treated like a commoner. Those who think that stepping down equals to being downgraded should check who owns the cache of weapons allegedly discovered in Uyo Government House where, I understand he is still landlord. If the sinnate leadership knows what is good for it, it would protest the violation of the immunity of this Governor-for-life by sending a high-powered delegation at taxpayer’s expense.

I know that some people take populism to ridiculous levels. A Katsina lawmaker whose allowance has been slashed by the Spartan Aminu Bello Masari decided to withdraw his children from private schools; instead of taking him to a shrink for the redemption of the future of his children, people are touting him as a hero. Apart from Dangote who found them suitable as truck drivers, how many employers hire local graduates?

My prayer after leaving the then LEA Primary School, in Okeagi was that none of my children went that road - except as tourists or for research. I love my town to death, but its school had no library, laboratory or running water and with alaWada Idris as my governor, schools were locked down for over a year because teachers were not paid.

So, PMB’s first 100 days have come and gone with controversial appointments. An official interview from our authorized broadcaster, the BBC confirms that President Buhari will appoint minusters by September ending. Since the days of UMYA, the BBC has become Naija’s national station; every leader who needs to talk to his people bypass FRCN and NTA. It is official as opposed to beer parlour gist and we all know that saint Buhari drinks nothing but fura da nono, water and occasional fruit juice. We also know that competence would not be a criterion as Sai Baba has also promised to compensate those who stuck with him through thick and thin.

This reminds me that campaigns promises are all invitation to treat. There was even one long list that I forwarded to blogger Chukwudi Iwuchukwu, when APC bashing became a Jonathanian pastime on social media. I hear that those promises are as fake as a two-dollar bill. Maybe APC made promises, but PMB promised us nothing but his integrity and good governance! Food contractors hoping to feed our pupils with watery stew and floating rice can drop their dreams in Daura well; and so should all those quitting their jobhunting in anticipation of monthly unemployment allowances.

It took nearly a hundred days to count Buhari’s cows and to remember where his houses, or estates are. I understand that poor pensioners like GMB save in coins; so counting N30 million coins was not a pot of beans for the guys at Union Bank and shoeless Joe is wrong, America did not know that Osinbajo is worth nearly $1 million. For now, we’re waiting for Buhari’s angels.

I understand that poor pensioners like GMB save in coins; so counting N30 million coins was not a pot of beans for the guys

at Union Bank and shoeless Joe is wrong, America did not know that Osinbajo is worth nearly $1 million