Five books for the sexually harassed
Following the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment storm that has gripped Hollywood, I have spent many sleepless nights wondering how many more women would come out to speak against men in the number one film industry who have sexually harassed them. It has been a deluge, literally a tsunami, everywhere you turn, some powerful person has either shown their genitals to a young aspiring film student or a new entrant to the industry, demanded a message or out rightly demanded sex. It is sickening. Even men who have been harassed by other men have spoken out. It is so sad. But then powerful persons have always held the reigns unfairly and believe everyone should do their bidding. There are more powerful men in the world than there are women and for these men, every woman is fair game. I thought Bill Cosby’s disgrace broke the bank but 2017 has proven to be the “all hell broke loose” year as far as sexual harassment in America goes. I have read and heard about countless “couch for role” stories in Nigeria and if we were to unveil slightly the rot in the Nollywood industry in Nigeria in this direction, we would find ourselves trying to come up for air. I recently met a girl in Abuja who tells me she paid a ton of money for a film school ran by an unknown actor who believes all the girls are theirs for the asking. But we all know that this sordid tale is everywhere from offices to schools to hospitals, the military, civil service and the academia. Indeed, there are silly and shameless men everywhere. The lame excuse by some of these sick men that they were tempted because of what the girl or lady was wearing is even more irritating and unacceptable. While I do not subscribe to indecent dressing, there is something called self-control and discipline. You are not an animal. Here are five books to help you make sense of all of this if you have ever been sexually harassed or currently been harassed by all those low level men whose brains are wired elsewhere, who demand things other than professionalism and are willing to destroy women young enough to be their daughters.
1) Sexual Harassment: Women speak out Edited by Amber Coverdale Sumrall and Dena Taylor. This book published in 1992 is a compilation of Essays and poems which is a follow up to Anita Hill’s testimony at the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. Several women offer accounts of sexual harassment. Debra Kuperberg writing in the anthology tells how as a student teacher of youths in a maximum security facility, she found it easier to cope with the incarcerated students than with some men on the staff. Diane Hugs relates how a Doctor exploited her paraplegic condition to fondle her paralyzed limbs while Jana Gary describes a series of incidents including a man shoving pornographic material in her face when she was twelve years old. Most reviewers consider this an important book which reveals sexual harassment as a manifestation of “male privilege and dominance” of women. Other reviewers believe it could have added more value if it had cases of men harassing men or women harassing women. I believe the Editors wanted it to be about women, to showcase how these tragic incidences hurt women, debilitate them, drive them to depression and totally destroy our nurturers.
2) Be Fierce: Stop harassment and take your power back, Gretchen Carson. As I watched Gretchen, a journalist on the Trevor Noah show discussing her book and her experience on sexual harassment, I knew this was a book I really wanted. A ground breaking manifesto about how women can protect themselves from sexual harassment in the workplace and reclaim their power against abuse or injustice. Not only does she share her stories, she also brings us moving stories from across other fields and professions who were not ready to sit down and shut up.
3) Sexual Harassment in the workplace by Mary Boland, Attorney at law. This is a resource book designed to give you answers to many troubling questions you might have concerning this issue. This book offers answers to the simplest of questions like, what is sexual harassment and then goes on to provide answers to many other difficult questions like should I hire a lawyer? What about my career? Are women the only victims? It tells us that sexual harassment is not about sex, it is about power. It offers invaluable help to put you back in charge of your life and in charge of your body to return your power back to you. A truly useful resource in the face of the current tales worldwide of sexual harassment.
4) One of my favorite actresses of all time is Gabrielle Union. Her natural gift as a multiple award winning thespian shines through in all her work. Her movies are all very well delivered and she always gives a stellar performance, confident, savvy, amiable. Who would have thought that with all the joy she brings us, she was a victim of rape many years ago and is still in counselling 24 years later. Rape never goes away. Women who have been raped never recover, they just cope for the rest of their lives. In her new book We’re going to need more wine, she tells the compelling story of that rape, how it happened and how it has affected her ever since. The book itself is a collection of stories about many happenstances in her life. Note must be made of some of the very raunchy passages and language that is X-rated and violent in some portions of the book. Parental Guidance is advised. This is not a book for children or young adults so do not leave it lying around.
5) While there are no real books on sexual harassment in Nigeria, magazines targeted at women like Genevieve, TW, and newspapers have done very well. Many female columnists have also dwelt on the issue several times. Internationally, there is Vogue and Marie Claire, Ebony and In- style. Take a cue. There is always advice and sharing going on. Read them as often as you can. They can open doors to where you can get help. One of my greatest concerns these days is how incest and pedophilia are increasingly becoming disturbing trends. Although many of the books recommended here may not be placed in our cultural milieu, sexual harassment has the same tone, color and consequences wherever they occur. These books are important for knowledge and your defense. Bullying whether it is sexually or otherwise affects mental and physical health and many suicide cases by women is as a result of sexual harassment of the extreme kind. There is help. Do not think suicide please. Find someone to talk to. I am not unmindful of the fact that men can also be sexually harassed by women, but we all know the numbers for women are overwhelming.
BONUS BOOKS:
Surviving Bullies, Queen Bees and Psychopaths in the workplace. Patricia Barnes.
The Sexual Harassment Handbook, Linda Gordon Howard.