Seeing ourselves the way we are: Lessons for a mourning heart
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4). Grieving is part of humanity; such moments always surface in life. According to scripture: There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Constantly, life throws at us unending moments of grief and grace. As a priest, my most difficult moments are when I have to bury a parishioner and thereafter provide words of comfort to the grieving family members. Often times, I realized it’s emotionally less demanding when you have to offer words of consolation to people you do not know and have not shared any form of bond.
In the gospel of (John 11:1-37) we read the incredible story of the death of Lazarus, his sisters Martha and Mary were weeping uncontrollably until Jesus came. Jesus wept (John 11:35) when he came to condole with his friends and companions. The sight of a weeping leader brings unbelievable succour to the followers, never a sign of weakness. During World War II (1939-1945), the Battle of Normandy, which lasted from June 1944 to August 1944, resulted in the Allied liberation of Western Europe from Nazi Germany’s control. Codenamed Operation Overlord, the battle began on June 6, 1944, also known as D-Day, when some 156,000 American, British and Canadian forces landed on five beaches along a 50-mile stretch of the heavily fortified coast of France’s Normandy region. The invasion was one of the largest amphibious military assaults in history and required extensive planning.
In the hours before the D-Day was to begin, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Supreme Commander of the allied forces, visited the paratroopers of the 101st Airborne Division to bolster their morale. As he moved amongst the troops, Eisenhower’s heart was heavy; he knew a 70% casualty rate was possible for the men standing before him. At 11:00 pm, Eisenhower stood on the roof of the nearby headquarters and saluted each plane as it took off en route to France. As these brave men soared past him, tears filled Eisenhower’s eyes. I’ve done all I can, he told them. “Now it’s up to you.” As those soldiers moved to their fate, nothing short of hope and consolation would be in their hearts because their supreme commander showed such amount of comfort and consolation even to the families of the soldiers.
Nigeria as a country has been in the state of mourning ever since Boko Haram launched a deadly attack on our country, and it has metamorphosed into banditry, kidnapping and cattle rustling. A visit to our army barracks in the country will give one a grim picture of the women whose husbands are simply unaccounted for. A visit to our military hospital in Lagos will bring you close to the sad reality of those who are mourning in this country. The list of mourning communities in Nigeria are endless. Sokoto, Zamfara, Katsina, Southern Kaduna, Benue, Plateau, Yobe, Borno to mention but a few. We pray and hope that our mourning moments will purify our consciences and hearts as a nation.
Mourning as an experience does three things to us as Christians and people of faith:
(1) It enables us to see the world as it really is- as both dignified and broken. When God became incarnate, He dignified the material world by making it the dwelling place of His holiness. Yet the world is full of sin, death, injustice, suffering and evil.
(2) Through mourning, we see ourselves as we really are. We were created in God’s image to know God and commune with Him in perfect love, (Catechism of the Catholic Church No 293) but our sins marred that image. Evil and death are not just out there in the world; they exist inside of me. Through mourning, we linger over the effects of sin on others, including God. The resulting sorrow leads to repentance and change sometimes. Ecclesiastes 7:2 makes the point clearer: It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.
(3) Third and most important, moments of intense suffering and loss and the mourning that follows give us a glimpse of God as He really is, as the crucified God and who was despised and rejected by mankind. A man of sorrow and familiar with suffering and pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely, he took up our pain and bore our suffering (Isaiah 53:3-4).
The reality of mourning cannot be overestimated in our lives, it’s looming all over the country and the world. Some are physical and moral. One element that we can do very well is the other parts that deals with human comfort. Comforts to the mourner that makes the mourner believe someone is listening to his or her cry, someone is there to wipe the tears when he or she sobs is what our leaders and we the followers can do very cheaply. As I postulated at the beginning of this reflection, there is a certain pain and personal connection when you are faced with consoling a loved one, especially as a pastor, shepherd or leader. The led feel so much joy and hope when they remember their leader standing next to them in moments of grief. It’s one of the sacred functions of all leaders: spiritual and temporal.
One thing that seems be scarce from some of our leaders in Nigeria is the sight of them standing next to most mourning communities. The standing side by side that seems to tell the followers that I can feel you when you cry, whether in Maiduguri, Katsina, Kaduna etc. When Jesus said Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted, he knew that our nature as humans is wired to feel for each other especially in moments of grief.