Three simple keys to marital success

Ephesians 5:31-33, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. [32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

This and other scriptures define among other things, your liberties, limitations or boundaries, actions and outcomes if these things are followed.

There are hundreds, if not thousands of keys to succeeding and lasting in marriage, but there are three that I believe encompasses all of them and they come from the word cleave. They are stay with God, stay with your spouse and stay with yourself (your calling).

1. Stay with God. Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.” Your productivity is determined by your connectivity. The stronger your connection, the more productive you become. Stay connected to Christ. He is omniscient, that is, He knows all things. He knows how to make it work. He knows how to take you from where you are to where you want to be. He knows how to fix any problem or challenge you might face. He knows what prayer you should pray to get the results that you want. How knows how to bring the best out of you. He is omnipotent, He has the power to deliver and protect you from every attack of the enemy. He is able to fix any problem in your life. He is omnipresent so there is no place the enemy drags you that He cannot reach to bring you out.

Stay with God in prayer. Jesus gave the secret of effective prayer in Matthew 6:6, “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

God instituted prayer not just so He can meet our needs but much more so we could be with Him. He enjoys your company more than you enjoy His. He is in love with you. He went to the cross to prove it. He wants you to set aside time to be with Him as often as possible so He can enjoy your company and deal with whatever issues you might have in the process.

He doesn’t want you to feel guiltywhen you are unable to keep your appointment in prayer; He wants you to feel thirsty. He wants you to miss Him. When I’m away from my wife, I don’t call her to say Honey I’m feeling guilty I’m attending a meeting, or you are attending a meeting. I say, I miss you. This was the intimacy Adam had at the beginning. God took it so seriously that even after Adam sinned, He still showed up to keep the appointment, but Adam was absent.

When God came calling, He asked Adam, where are you? He was not trying to locate where he was physically, He wanted to make Adam realize his new spiritual location. His absence from the secret place, the place of intimacy was as a result of a bigger inner problem. He was backslidden inside.

When you lose appetite for prayer, fellowship, or the Word of God, it’s an indication that a shift has taken place inside you. When you lose intimacy with God you replace His glory with makeshift covering. You look for leaves to cover yourself. You pretend to be spiritual by doing religious things like reciting some prayers, fasting, singing with your eyes shut in the church, serving tables, etc. Instead of hiding in God, you are hiding from Him in social groups, prayer groups, women’s club, men’s club, philanthropic groups, etc. God is calling you to return to the place of intimacy with Him. What is Intimacy? Sharing inner thoughts with others in close, caring ways.

Jesus demonstrated this intimacy with the Father. It was so productive it prompted the disciples to ask Him to teach them how to go about it. Peter James and John and the rest of them singled this intimacy out as their priority. We will give ourselves continually to prayer and the word they said. Relationships break down when intimacy breaks down. Relationships are sustained through intimacy.

These cherished moments of intimacy is the basis of your spiritual strength. The absence of this results in devastating spiritual weakness.

The most important and most profitable activity that must take place in the secret place is not prayer. It’s not worship; the most important activity that must take place when you enter into the closet or secret place is SURRENDER, SUBMISSION! The secret place is the place where you come to surrender your sins to God. When Adam sinned, he ran away from God in fear and shame. This is the way we naturally react to our failings. We run away. But keeping away leads to more backsliding and frustration as the sense of guilt, condemnation and shame grows. But God doesn’t want us to run away from Him when we sin; He wants us to run to Him and not from Him when we fail. Just imagine the way He handled Adam after he had sinned in Genesis 3:8-11

2. Stay with yourself. 1Corinthians 7:20 says, “Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.” Your greatness is in being you. Your relevance is your gift. Your uniqueness is what makes you relevant. God designed your gift to take you places you cannot reach by yourself. Find out all your calling and give it your best shot. You will not only be happy and satisfied, everyone around you will be to. Happiness is contagious, so is frustration.

3. Stay with your spouse. Matthew 19:5, “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” For better or for worse, cleave! For richer or for poorer, cleave! In sickness or in health, cleave! In good times and in bad times, cleave! When he or she is down, cleave! When he’s strong, cleave! When he’s weak, cleave! When he’s nice, cleave! When he’s nasty, cleave! Become an inseparable pair no matter what. Stay together in prayer, worship, and in dealing with life’s challenges.

I pray for you and every family, that forces of darkness will not succeed in pulling you apart. I pray for healing for every hurting man, woman or family, in the Name of Jesus. I pray for peace for every troubled marriage, in the Name of Jesus.

God will preserve you and keep you together. You will wax stronger and stronger. You will go from glory to glory, in the name of Jesus!

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Mojúbàolú Olúfúnké Okome is a Professor of Political Science at Brooklyn College, City University of New York USA. She will be 62-years-old this year. Her late father, Matthew Odusanya Odulaja was from Ogun State, and her late mother, Sarah Segilola Odulaja from Oyo State. She originally had five siblings but two passed on and now has three siblings, all sisters. She has two children, one in his late 30s and the other in his twenties. She has been married for 39 years. Her husband is a doctor of Physiotherapy. The Professor of Political Science, African and Women’s Studies at Brooklyn College, a Fulbright scholar, a prolific author, a speaker, and activist shares her story with Tambari. Educational background to Church as a student at the was Odus Mathematics. I failed to like I had my primary school at Anglican University of Ibadan. I didn’t or excel in Maths, which was a huge Girls Primary School, Surulere, Lagos return to Church until disappointment for him. I also argued from 1964-70. Secondary Schools, 1983, after the birth of my with him and everybody, which was Reagan Memorial Baptist Girls first son. considered rude and unacceptable, Secondary School, Yaba, Lagos My late father was a particularly for the child of strict from 1970-74 and Methodist headmaster, and my disciplinarians, so, I was punished a lot. Girls’ High School, Yaba, Lagos late mother, a teacher. The love for education and dedication (Higher School) from 197476. Although I had only to excellence was nurtured in all of us I went to the University 5 siblings, there and my parents also were egalitarian of Ibadan, Oyo State had were always many in their approach to childrearing, so, my BSc Hons in Political more children in no task was reserved for us by gender. Science from 1976-1979. our household. My Everybody did everything. Although Had my Masters at parents’ reputation we had people who were hired to help Long Island University, as disciplinarians out in the house, everyone did almost Brooklyn, NY USA ensured that many the same amount of work, and each of (M.A. Political Science) people wanted the helpers also learned a trade and from 1981-82. Had their children to when they graduated, were given the my PhD at Columbia live with us. It was tools to enable them to pursue the University, NY, USA also always a full trade. My parents also engaged in a lot (PhD Political Science, house that welcomed of philanthropy, even though they had Concentration: International people from all walks very modest earnings from teaching. Relations/International of life and was always My mother was the classic Proverbs 31 Political Economy. Regional hospitable, charitable woman. I learned from her, how to be Specialization: Africa) from 19821996. and supportive to others, prayerful, hard-working, purposeful, particularly those prudent, tenacious, unafraid to speak less truth to power. I learned from my father, basically the same things, and from both of them, how to be selective about the company I keep, independent and honest.

I am presently a Professor of Political Science and Women’s Studies at Brooklyn College, CUNY, from 8/06. Women’s Studies Program Director, Brooklyn College, CUNY, 8/06-8/08. Associate Professor and Deputy Chairperson for Graduate Studies, Department of Political Science, Brooklyn College, CUNY 8/03 to 8/0. Associate Professor, Department of Political Science, Brooklyn College, CUNY 9/02 to 7/06. Assistant Professor, Department of Political Science, Brooklyn College, CUNY 9/01 to 9/02. Assistant Professor, Department of African and African American Studies, Fordham University, Bronx, N.Y. academic year. 8/97 to 8/01. On leave 2000/2001. Taught History at Orile Grammar School, Agege. 1980-1981. During my NYSC I taught English and History at a secondary school in Evboeghae, Edo State (then Bendel State) from 19791980.

Idyllic. I grew up in Lagos— Idioro, Alakara, and later, Agege. I was mischievous, troublesome, headstrong and opinionated, and I read voraciously. My parents were educators. They were strong Christians who raised us to embrace Christian

values and to inculcate them into our daily lives. Their mantra was that one should pray without ceasing, and this was so strong a philosophy that we almost lived in the Church. I rebelled against the immersion in Church once I left home to go to the University, and never went fortunate than us. I have a huge extended family and the house was always busy, with many interesting conversations and discussions. My parents encouraged us to read extensively, and my father wanted us all to excel in Mathematics, in which he was especially gifted. His nickname

My parents were right. I have learned to be comfortable with solitude, which is different from loneliness. This means I like my own company and have no use for too many friends. I always speak truth to power regardless of consequences. Hard work is important, as is a purposeful life that strives to connect spirituality with civic engagement and socially conscious action. It is important to speak out when one sees injustice and to be on the side of the oppressed and not the powerful. It is important to know that no matter how much one knows, there’s still a lot to learn. It’s important to be empathetic, generous, and tenacious in seeking justice and equity. I’ve learned that it’s better to embrace hard work rather than depend on connections to get ahead. It’s okay for the world not to notice and/or reward one’s hard work. One should keep doing the best one can. This is a reward in itself. Standing alone and trusting in God are sufficient to produce good results, although it might take a long time. By standing alone during adversity, once the breakthrough comes, you are better off because you don’t owe people favours for which they might demand a quid pro quo.

Good morning doctor, I’m suffering from the breast (nipples) pains, and the pain seems to be increasing on daily basis. My baby has been crying of hunger and there is milk but the pain is too much, and I don’t know what to do. I took diclofenac for ten days. I saw a doctor and just when he was about to write drugs for me, I told him I had taken Cataflam for two days but I was still having pains, so he said I should continue it for 5 days. Right now, I still feel pains; in fact,it has worsened, and I don’t know what else to do. –

It’s possible you are having breast abscess.You need to stop feeding the baby with that breast and just gently express it. Feed the baby with the other breast for the meantime.Analgesics is not enough for breast abscess. You may need antibiotics; incision and drainage. After this, wound dressing will be necessary. See your family physician as soon as possible.

I am 20 years old, and have been experiencing pains during my monthly period and it flows slowly. I have also been having pain after urination. I went to the hospital and was given drugs but it is still there. Please help me. –

There are about two or three different issues here. First is the pain during menstruation, which is likely to be a case of primary amenorrhea. It’s common after menarche and during the teenage years. If the painis severe, take pain killers. It usually resolves spontaneously with time.

Concerning the pains when urinating, it’s likely due to urinary tract infection. You will need to do urine microscopy, culture and sensitivity. While waiting for the result of the laboratory test, because it will take two days, broad spectrum antibiotics can be started.

Sometimes what we think is small flow of menses is actually normal. Normal menstrual flow ranges from 30mls to 80mls. I will suggest you note the number of days it flows and how many pads per day you use for two cycles then meet your doctor.

In case you have had miscarriage or induced abortion before, then you may need to see a gynaecologist as soon as possible.

I had three miscarriages; the last one was on May 31 and I did evacuation. After the check up, the doctor recommended some tests which I did and he said everything wasfine that once I miss my period, I should come to the hospital. Please what do I do? –

This is a case of recurrent abortion. Quickly do the pregnancy test. If positive, you will benefit from progesterone support.This could either be injectable or pessary. It could also be a combination of the two. It’s better to start the treatment as soon as possible.