If Ilan Smith were a Nigerian…

In the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, we had the psychic cephalopod, Octopus Paul, stealing the show. In the just concluded World Cup in Brazil, we have the heavily bearded South African, Ilan Smith, as one of the prime beneficiaries of the tournament.

Man’s curiosity in knowing today what tomorrow holds in stock, his deep-seated search for the keys that would unlock the mysteries of the universe, his angst on how to fathom the dynamics that make things happen as they do, his life-long quest to read the mind of God, are as old as history. And this curiosity not only makes us vulnerable but also creates opportunities for fraudsters, illusionists, pastors and malams to prey on the gullibility of the innocent.

For the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany, which owned the British-born Octopus Paul, the mollusc’s apparent psychic skills in predicting the outcome of international matches involving the German national team was only meant to provide entertainment. The mollusc made several accurate predictions in the 2010 World Cup which brought him worldwide attention as an animal oracle. He correctly chose the winning team in several of Germany’s six Euro 2008 matches, and all seven of their matches in the 2010 World Cup—including Germany’s third place play-off win over Uruguay on 10 July. He also correctly picked Spain to win the final match against Netherlands. Before his ‘retirement’ shortly after the 2010 World Cup finals and subsequent death a few months later, Paul’s success rate was 85 per cent, with an overall record of 11 out of 13 correct predictions.

Ilan Smith, we all know, correctly ‘predicted’ the outcome of the 2014 World Cup final between Germany and Argentina – or so it seemed. Smith had before the match written the outcome of the match on a piece of paper which was co-signed by a football fan, sealed and then stuck in a soccer boot. The boot was then locked in a box for the duration of the game. When Robert Marawa of Super Sport opened the box live on TV after the final match between Germany and Argentina, the illusionist not only correctly ‘predicted’ that Germany would win the final by a lone goal but was also spot on that the winning goal would be scored by Mario Gotze in the 113th minute.

It was widely reportedly that less than twenty minutes after his TV stunt, his followers on twitters skyrocketed by more than 10,000. Since that spectacular ‘prediction’, I have been wondering how his feat would have impacted on him if he were a Nigerian or how he would have packaged himself before and after the prediction if he were Nigerian.

One, my instinct tells me that were Ilan Smith a Nigerian, he would never allow himself to be ‘ reduced’ to being called a ‘common’ illusionist or magician. More likely he would have packaged himself as a Pastor, Prophet or Malam who communes with deities and water mermaids or is God’s chosen mediator between us ordinary beings and Himself. A Nigerian who accomplished such a feat would never maintain the sort of website that Ilan Smith maintains where he clearly suggested he was an entertainer plying his trade for money.

Two, just as a Nigerian owner of Octopus Paul would have been aghast at the lack of business sense by the owners of Octopus Paul who retired the mollusc from his psychic endeavours after the World Cup (just when demands would be high), were Ilan Smith a Nigerian, the photograph on his website would have been regarded as too ordinary. There must be something ghoulish to convey an other -worldliness to an intended client.

Three, were Ilan Smith a Nigerian, and had proclaimed himself a Pastor, Malam or Prophet, ‘good hearted’ Nigerians, including rogues trying to bribe God or to cleanse their conscience for past crimes, would have been falling over themselves to build the most ‘befitting’ House of God for him or shower him with gifts that could include exotic cars or even jets. If Ilan Smith were a Nigerian and had chosen to proclaim himself the king of all ‘babalawos, the high and mighty would be paying him nocturnal visits and top politicians would be paying higher retainer fees.

Four, just before some of us waste their money in trying to contact Ilan Smith, it is important to underline that magic (sometimes referred to as ‘stage magic’ to distinguish it from paranormal or ritual magic) is a performing art that entertains audiences by staging tricks or creating illusions of seemingly impossible or supernatural feats. Just like our babalawos, magicians will not readily reveal the methods behind their tricks to the audience because as they will argue such will kill magic as an art form. In fact, many entertainers of the magic genre believe that it is unethical to give a performance that claims to be anything other than a clever and skilful deception – and this explains why many eschew the use of the term “magician” (which they view as making a claim to supernatural power) in favour of “illusionist” and similar descriptions. Jamy Ian Swiss, the American close-up magician, famously calls himself, an “honest liar”, to underline that his magical feats are mere illusions.

Five, anything that has a name probably exists in one form or the other so I am not totally discountenancing the existence of esoteric phenomena and occult practices – as we widely believe here. But there is something that does not seem right the way these claims are bandied around in Nigeria and we never know, thanks to Nollywood films, where magic stops and where occultism begins.

Six, tales of occult practices – of people who could make your manhood disappear simply by shaking your hands, of women who could use ‘love potion’ to ensnare you into marrying them or to do their wishes, of people turning into yam tubers simply from wearing Okada helmets – are a daily staple instilling fears, even paranoia in the hearts of many. Often opportunities to raise questions about the supposed powers of these ‘forces’ are missed. For instance even though many people tremble when some shrines like Okija are mentioned, we do know that people like Dr Chris Ngige, former Governor of Anambra State, and Governor Theodore Orji of Abia State who apparently swore an oath of allegiance to their godfathers at the shrine fell out with these god fathers without anything apparently happening to them. Don’t we deserve an explanation from the administrators or priests of the Okija shrine – to help other clients hedge their risks?

Iwas among the Nigerians who came out strongly on the side of Stephen Keshi during his thinly-veiled altercations with his employers, the NFF, in the run-up to the World Cup in Brazil. I believed then that NFF was unduly interfering in Keshi’s job. Now, like our politicians, I am crossing the carpets. I now believe NFF should call Keshi’s bluff.

Stephen Keshi has made his marks as the greatest indigenous coach we have had so far – and that credit must never be taken away from him.

But I am uncomfortable that a man who was pocketing a monthly basic salary of N5m (this does not include match bonuses and the numerous ‘dashes’ from Nigerians) wants us to feel sorry for him for being ‘neglected’ because the NFF did not offer him a house. NFF has reportedly offered him a new two-year contract of N7m per month but Keshi is asking for N10m per month – or no deal. Keshi reportedly made N48m from the World Cup largesse.

As a professional, I believe that Keshi has a right to negotiate for improved terms of service but I find the timing of the demand and the manner it is being made – take-it-orleave-it – as unacceptable. It may perhaps be apt to remind the Big Boss that while he did well with the Super Eagles, the team was still unable to break through the glass ceiling barrier for African countries. No African side had crossed the quarter final stage.

I also fail to see that sense of gratitude from Keshi because no matter how good you are, you need a platform to demonstrate your ability. In this sense, Keshi should also be grateful for the platform he was given by NFF which has helped to raise his market value. He should also be grateful to ordinary Nigerians like us who have cheered and supported him all the way – even when he was being unreasonable. I don’t expect him as a professional to live on sentiments but I believe that there are other local coaches who may now be inspired to exceed his performance. And don’t forget that coaches alone cannot make a team succeed; otherwise countries like Italy, Spain, Brazil and England couldn’t have put up such shambolic shows in as they did during the just concluded World Cup.

We should be grateful to Keshi for raising the bar of local coaching but an employee must never be seen as too big for his employer. It would be an error of judgment, in my opinion, to accede to Keshi’s demands – especially given the way it was made. The same discipline he demands of his players we should also demand of him. Since the next World Cup is still far away, let’s give other coaches a chance while allowing Keshi to go and try his luck elsewhere.