How women still suffer in our homes

Maltreatment of women is still prevalent in some homes despite sustained efforts and enlightenment by religious bodies, Non-Governmental Organisations (NGOs) and relevant agencies on how women should be treated.

The trend has continued unabated and while some women have continued to wallow in pains others have since divorced their husbands for safety.

The continuous denigration of the women folk is unfortunately, a global phenomenon which does not augur well for women of different classes including married women.

This come in forms of violence and discrimination against women, overbearing influence on women by men, forcing the girl-child into marriage and early marriage. Others include raping women and girls, not allowing housewives the opportunity to have money in their possession or to determine what happens in the home, to mention a few.

Despite efforts aimed at empowering women and making them socially responsible other issues still persist. For instance, some women combine domestic and office work together but are still not being commended by their husbands rather, they are criticized with the claim that they are not doing much to relieve the burden on men.

Some women do not even have the basic things they need to make themselves and their environment neat as such things are not being provided by their husbands. Some men either give money to their wives with instructions on what to do or do it all by themselves.

Our reporter gathered that some men over exercise authority over their wives and to a large extent determine how much to be spent on food items at a particular time including the number of items like cream, soup and soap, among others should last.

For instance, Kwaghhemba who is from Taraba State said she divorced her first husband, Aondo Gwaza for always insisting on how things in their home including the kitchen should work and for how long food stuff should last before he would provide another.

Kwaghhemba who gave an in-depth account of how she was maltreated by her husband said the man was bent on engaging her in unnecessary domestic activities claiming that she was not doing what was expected of her as a married woman and often beats her up.

The 37-year-old woman who said she had five children with Mr. Aondo Gwaza stressed that she was being subjected to different kinds of torture and was sometimes threatened with either a cutlass or knife by her husband on the ground that she was wasting household items and frequently demanding money to buy them.

“My experience in the hands of Aondo was terrible. Which should I even talk about? The suffering was much. He was an ordinary farmer, I mean a poor farmer. So we always had financial problems. Because of that he liked buying ingredients himself, after that he would tell me that he wanted things like palm oil, onions, maggi and others to last for a particular period of time depending on how much he bought them.

“He used to monitor me whenever I am cooking in the kitchen telling me that I should not use much of whatever he sees me using. He used to threaten me with cutlass or knife sometimes if food items finished before the time frame or if I spent the little money he gave me,” she said.

She said for many women, household activities takes up the majority of their time with much less time spent in remunerative employment insisting that even when they participate in the labour market for paid employment, women still undertake the majority of the housework without commendation.

Kwaghhemba also revealed that her former husband repudiated and scuttled all her plans to engage in any business saying that she might in the process become arrogant and start going out with other men.

Checks by our reporter also reveal that while some men deliberately insist that their wives must obey their financial submissions and place them on little or no financial security, others go ahead to even barricade their wives’ chances of acquiring socio-economic benefits by restraining them from getting involved in any business apart from domestic activities. This in most cases leaves women at the mercy of men.

However, Hajiya Habiba Ladan said the act of exercising too much control over women is counterproductive and should be discouraged in its entirety. According to her, a woman is the “engine” of every family and should be given some level of autonomy to be able to make decisions on certain things in the home.

She said: “We are all created by Allah so there is need for gender equality and women empowerment. A man shouldn’t feel too superior because family development requires contribution of both husband and wife.”

Hajiya Habiba Ladan, a secondary school teacher in Nasarawa State said men should also consider helping their wives in doing some of the domestic work for continuous love and unity between them, adding that women should be given money by their husbands at all times to avoid the temptation of getting “hooked up” with another man for financial gains.

“The danger is that if you are always denying your wife certain privileges in the home, she might fall into the hands of another man outside who is ready to pay her whatever she demands or treat her in a better way so this is important to note. Men should not just think they can cage women or maltreat them, there is the bad side of it,” she said.

But in an interview with Home Front, a civil servant who gave his name as Eric T. Okpatuma argued that a man has the absolute right to decide what happens in his house as he remains the head of the family adding that if a woman decides to allow herself to be used by what he termed “intruders” it is another thing entirely.

Okpatuma said he also has certain control measures he exercises over his wife stating that such measures are not necessarily a form of maltreatment but a means of ensuring that women do not engage in unnecessary spending and waste of household items.

“It is the man’s duty to provide for his family but women also has the obligation of making judicious use of what they have at their own disposal. If you don’t give instructions, some women will bury you before you die because they will spend all your money. What some of them want is luxury so if you are not rich then it is better you control her but that doesn’t mean maltreatment,” he said.

Okpatuma added that some women do not consider the plight of their husbands in providing for the family but are more interested in what they want to do with money even if the man is just managing to survive with his family. He cautioned that women who want to do things at all costs should have a rethink so as not to lead their husbands into armed robbery and other social vices in the society.

However, an Abuja driver, Yahaya Ibrahim on his part explained that women no matter how they may appear or behave should be considered as “Allah’s gift” and should be accorded all the necessary support they deserve, adding that men should always be patient with their wives and should continue explaining to them the position of things rather than insisting on the “ugly.”

Similarly, a youth corps member who gave his name as Uche Chukwu stressed that it is important for men to be allowing their wives the opportunity to have something doing like some small scale businesses to be able to contribute to the family.

He said in most cases, women are being allowed to remain at home even when they have the potential of contributing to the home while the resources at their husbands’ disposal do not really measure up to the family challenges.

He appealed to men and relevant agencies to give women the respect and privileges they deserve to enable them have a sense of belonging and contribute more positively to the development of the family, noting that the realization of women’s rights is a global struggle based on universal human rights and the rule of law which requires