] Asaju] Tunde Two Jesuses in one house = the antichrist

Basically, I do not believe in the concept of a bastard. Every child has a father. That someone’s paternity is in question does not necessarily make anybody a bastard. But if someone chooses to be called a bastard if he loses a bet, we should oblige him the appellation until he retraces his genealogy. In ancient tradition, while the bastard is in transition, they are not prevented from associating with the freeborn, but their opinions usually do not count. So please indulge Mr Bastard Okugbe for comparing his lacklustre master to Jesus Christ. In a country messed up by foul air, your saviour is your air refresher.

But pity Okugbe for what may eventually befall him based on this narrative. Joyce Mujuru, the erstwhile vice president of Mugabe’s Zimbabwe failed to learn a similar lesson. Years before Zimbabwe became independent, young Bob met Joyce Mujuru in the liberation struggle. A girl who shot down a helicopter with a rifle is admired by Bob who couldn’t put down a fly. When Bob became president he hired the blood spiller, first as a minister. All the while Grace Mugabe, then Grace Goreraza was Mugabe’s secretary. It would appear as it goes in Africa that when you are a minister, you pay scant attention to the secretary or even respect her. Now I have absolutely no proof of this scenario, just letting my imagination run wild because I am far from Harare.

Later, Uncle Bob made Mujuru party leader and vice president. Usually secretaries keep late nights warming up their boss’s tired legs, it would not be long till Bob amorously touched the hem of Grace’s skirt and was healed of lovelessness. When Sally, Bob’s first wife died of cancer, he wedded his secretary. If you count progressively like the rest of the world, Grace became the second wife. If you count retrogressively like the PDP, she is the first wife. Apparently Grace never forgot how Joyce paid her no attention. Now widow-inwaiting (Zimbabweans have no other means of getting rid of their sit-tight ruiner except to appeal to death which has evidently put the appeal on the bottom of the file); she realised she would be powerless if Bob were to die intestate.

Emphasis on ‘die intestate’ – because dead or alive, the state of Zim, my dear friends is Bob’s and he can will it to whomsoever he desires. For now, he desires Grace and has put everything under her feet. To do that, he had to clear all obstacles including the impostor, Morgan Tsvangirai who indecently climbed in by running a phoney opposition. On December 9, Uncle Bob accused Joyce of sedition and corruption and sacked her clearing the way for Grace to take over in case... According to Wikipedia, Joyce lives “on a 3,500-acre requisitioned farm, Alamein Farm, 45 miles (72 km) South of Harare, which have been found by the Supreme Court in Zimbabwe to have been illegally seized from the farm owner.” The insinuation is that the farm owner is white. I know Joyce would not be sleeping pretty because in Zimbabwe, the earth is Bob’s and the fullness thereof, the farms and all those that live on it.

Now, why all these digression? Well, I have not read the Wizard of Ota’s

Truth is, anything written by the man who mortgaged a whole nation to his own ego is not worth being taken seriously until he renders a public apology for his sins. I am amused by the reviews, usually from those who like me have not read it. It would be interesting to know what he had to say of his former special adviser who thus far, has said nothing of the love-hate between him and his former boss. For now, Bastard Okugbe is locking the horns of Hippopotamus with that of Nebuchadnezzar who after her resurrection seven times from a German hospital, declared herself the saviour of the masses. She beat Jesus whose single resurrection is still a subject of intense debate in some quarters 2000 years later. Lame Pat’s position was confirmed by Evans Bipi, a member of the rowdy Rivers Assembly who testified that she is his own Jesus Christ. As far as marriages go, when the pastor joined Lame Pat and Shoeless Joe (as he then was), he proclaimed that ‘the two shall be one flesh’. So, when Okugbe described his boss as Jesus Christ who carried the burden of everybody, Chibok parents may not agree. I guess he attends only Sunday service. Midweek services augment Sunday school lessons. Here is the deal - if one household produces two Jesus Christs, certainly one is as faked as a three-dollar bill and the other is an antichrist. Okugbe was raised within the sphere of influence of Jesus of Oyingbo and today surrounds himself by gods of men who daily twist the scriptures to massage the ego of their paymaster.

Watch.

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