No lessons from London

If Oyibo life had not been precious and Mama Charlie did not have such powerful tentacles, I would have sniggered at Theresa May last week. According to the BBC, Lady May was spirited out of the parliament when terrorist Khalid Masood was mauling everyone in sight at the London parliament. Sai Baba who recently left London would have waited to see what was going on first - he is a general!

London police quickly put the entire town in lockdown. Pray, what is that to a Naija man? You can’t lock a Naija down? If a terrorist struck anywhere in Naija, we have a way of scramming first before remembering our Shino phones; we then rush back to snap gory pictures then rush to social media to publish - that’s how we roll.

It is said that four people died in the attack including the attacker! One person died in hospital and about 20 people are still battling to stay alive. The way global media was on the case for over 24 hours, you would have thought that Buni Yadi didn’t happen. Somebody remind me how many boys were roasted alive there? If some people had their way, Chibok would have been hushed.

Anyway, five people died, the police knew what to do there was a plan. Planning is a total waste of time in Naija. We must never compare Naija with the UK except we subscribe to Nnamdi Kanu’s description of Naija. Nobody should compare sleep with death where coma is in competition?

What is the plan at the Federal Secretariat in the case of a fire outbreak? When was the first and last time anyone ever took part in a fire drill? In fact, what is a fire drill self? Which kid knows where to gather in the case of emergency? Proprietors are prayer warriors whose language of choice is currency; heaven is the sole guarantor of safety in Naija.

So, I just marvelled at the poor Londoners locked down in their parliament and stranded on the London Eye until Scotland Yard and the Met figured out ‘what the hell’s going on’, apology to the Donald, we don’t want Naija on the list. Lady May addressed the nation - for four dead and twenty wounded?!

During a lockdown such as happened in London, you would expect the press to do as it is told - play some martial or classical music, or the legendary ‘we shall overcome’. The London media are not patriotic. They were everywhere, using their microphones, cameras and other accouterments to harass people who were hiding under their desks and asking them to describe their experience. In Naija, they should expect a visit from the Daura Secret Service. One would expect the Mayor of London, the first Muslim to ever hold the position to check Twitter and track for jail anyone who as much as tweeted the incident - he is yet to do that.

So, what do these Londoners think they are doing, trying to stay ahead of the pack as usual? They should learn from us. Since

What is the plan at the Federal Secretariat in the case of a fire outbreak? When was the first and last time anyone ever took part in a fire drill? In fact, what is a fire drill self? Which kid knows where to gather in the case of emergency? Proprietors are prayer warriors whose language of choice is currency; heaven is the sole guarantor of safety in