Are men withdrawing from fending for the family?

Bisola Abisoye is a petty trader in Kuje Area Council of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja. She said her husband has withdrawn from catering for the family leaving her with the responsibility. He is no longer bothered about the welfare of the children, she added.

“He is a successful mechanic but does not bother about the children’s school fees, their feeding or other activities in the house, and this has been going on for more than five years now,” she said.

Bisola who took to petty trading some years back when she realised that her husband would only give her little amount of money for the family’s upkeep not minding if it was enough to cater for their four children or not said, the husband would gamble with his money or pick women around and had no interest in what his children doing so, she began to sell food items.

“This situation has affected even his relationship with the children because there is little or no father and children interaction between him and them,” she said.

Joshua Jatau, a staff of Zuba General Hospital, told this reporter that his marriage crumbled earlier in the year when he began to reduce his expenses for the house. This, he said, was because he felt his wife had begun earning money and so she should also contribute to the upkeep of the home.

“She got a teaching appointment in one of the area councils and when she started receiving salary, she started buying things for the house without asking me and that was when I cut off from buying food and providing for the

family,” he said.

“Since she was responsible enough to buy things on her accord, I didn’t see the need to double the provision. But she felt it wasn’t right for me to abandon my responsibility. She expressed her displeasure which I did not regard, because I blamed her, accusing her of been a feminist, and querying why she started in the first place,” he said.

Jatau said, at the initial stage I felt it was a relief for me since I had been providing for the family for two years since our marriage. “And now that she is earning some money, I felt the paramount thing for her is to use that money to fend for the family. But I was wrong because she felt over burdened with the responsibility.”

She said I was not behaving like a man, and became disrespectful and the home became always heated up as we argued. “That was how we inevitably parted ways.”

Lately women have been lamenting over the poor support they get from their spouses in catering for the families responsibility which men are expected to shoulder.

An entrepreneur who prefers only her first name in print, Philomena, said any woman who doesn’t gird up in her hand work may soon have her own share of the deal.

She said her husband who is a civil servant, has left the home responsibility to her to handle. “That’s what is in vogue. When they have little money they go to the betting spots because they want to make it big quick. But ask them what returns have they made from such investment. Nothing.”

Philomena added that it is the women that continue to struggle and add value to their homes while the men relax which is against God’s plan.

Meanwhile, Mary Chibuzor, a marriage counselor based in Gwagwalada says: “Being a man means supporting your family; that is to do whatever it takes so they can eat, be clothed, have shelter and pay for the children’s education. If you don’t do these then you cannot command the respect you should.”

She said part of the responsibility of a man is such that he must work to provide for his family at all times.

“If I have children and my wife has to work, that’s not what a woman should do.

Mary decried that lately there has been a disconnect between the idea of a man’s role and the reality of life.

She said the new economic role placed on the woman is eroding cherished family life values as the womenfolk are not thrilled by husbands who are just another mouth to feed.

Chibuzor added that one of the leading reasons why couples split lately is because the men are not doing their fair share in catering for the family.

Although she noted that the situation has a class divide to it, she said men who are well-to-do or successful in their business or place or work do their best to ensure that they provide for the family compared to those that do not have stable or a well-paying job.