Memories Of My Past Still Haunt Me

MY story is nothing extraordinary. I think about him almost everyday because I lived for him for seven years. I knew his every move, what his actions meant, what every facial expression meant. He was the first person to touch me, to make me feel the way I had never felt before. He was the person I loved more than anything. So what do I do with all these memories? We have played out most of the scenarios of life together - eating, sleeping, talking about everything, crying, laughing ... So everyday when I randomly think about anything, 70% of the time, we had shared that thought together once. But do I miss him? I don’t know.

We were together for seven years. I would not necessarily say it was seven amazing years. I was one of those people who thought we had to give our everything. We met when we were in 11th, funny that he was the only guy I noticed in my class. Both of us are average looking and my friends always told me that I was way out of his league but looks didn’t matter to me, as I was really insecure about myself.

Well, we started dating and he always had a mean streak, if you ask me why I continued going out with him, honestly I have no answer. I always believed that once you took decision to be with someone, you had to give it your all, no matter the consequence and that is exactly what I did. My world revolved around him. I did everything for him. He was a good person. I mean, he is but being mean was his way of being funny and I encouraged it.

Three years later, we were in college. He read engineering and I was doing my BSC. He hated his college and the more he was unhappy the more rules there were: “Don’t call me right after I have food”, “Don’t call me the day before examinations…” One day, out of nowhere, he told me that he wanted to break up because he couldn’t handle the commitment. I was broken. I did not know how to function. I pleaded for him to take me back but he was stubborn and I couldn’t do anything. After three months, he texted me and we talked. He told me how timelines freaked him out so I wasn’t allowed to be known as his “GF ’ because apparently, giving it that name freaked him out. We continued that friends with benefits thing for some time. It took me four months to feel better. I lost all respect. I felt used. I broke up with him. It hurt his ego, so he asked whether we could be together and of course, I said yes. Everything went on well for four years. But in the fifth year, I relocated to another city for my Master’s after working for a year and he went to another state. He had finished his engineering, and had backlogs, which affected him. He was not there for me and wouldn’t let me be there for him. Again, towards the end of sixth year, we broke up , reason being return of his sudden commitment phobia.

By this time, I had gotten used to his passive aggressive behaviour but it still hurt. I never tried dating anyone else, may be because we were so on again and off again, that I thought we would be on again, again. I reached my saturation point when once I had an accident on the way to meet him and when I got to that place, he wasn’t there he made me wait for two hours and when he finally showed up. I questioned him and he flipped out. I tried to justify my anger, saying that I had an accident, I was freaked out and apologised for lashing out. That day I went back home and took a hard look at myself. All I realized was that he didn’t love me anymore and so for the last time, I ended it.

It has been one year and four months since I got married and three years since I broke up with him. My husband, he is such a sweetheart, he lets me be me and not a day goes by that I am not grateful that I got a life partner like him but memories of my past haunts me still with the inevitable, involuntary and unavoidable mental comparison between him and my husband and hopefully one day it will go away.

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This week's Question : Ladies, if you find out a lady is pregnant for your to be husband two weeks to your wedding, would you go ahead with the marriage?

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Re: Can I Get Back My Sanity?

ROMANTIC relationships are built on trust. Your partner should keep his or her word and has your best intentions at heart. Your wife’s behaviour makes it difficult for you to do that. She cheated on you quite early in your relationship, hid the facts from you, and never came clean when she had the chance.

The whole point of coming clean is so that the two of you can put the incident behind you.

Given your wife’s pattern of behaviour— her multiple betrayals and dripping the truth out slowly so that it cut you to the core, raises a question: Would you do that to someone you love? Think about how you would like to be treated and don’t accept less from others. Dealing with the kids and your feelings is a serious issue. Talking to a counselor, own your own, can help you through this difficult transition

Love Quote

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”