The Guardian (Nigeria)
The Married Man Who Has A Side Chick
ADAY to the day when one of my grandchildren was to celebrate his third birthday last year, he and his immediate younger brother were struggling over the ownership of a toy when they came visiting in my Lagos home.
One of their caregivers then told him to leave the toy for his younger brother reminding him that he was going to be three years old the next day.
He immediately replied with American accent “then, I don’t want to be three again.” I laughed and laughed.
You can’t blame him for that. At age three, no child is expected to master his or her feelings of hunger, frustration, deprivation, etc.
But a full- blown adult, ( married or not married) should be able to control any feeling including sexual feelings for other women.
When I got married, I was determined never to sleep with any other woman. It’s not as if I was not tempted before I became a pastor, and even after I became a pastor.
The following strategies helped me not to commit adultery till today.
I learnt at an early stage in my life that the urge for sex is a feeling just like the feeling of hunger, anger, frustration and the feeling to watch a football match. If I will not run amok because I am hungry or angry or unable to watch the football club I admire, I can as well control the feeling for sex. It was a matter of replacing one feeling with the opposite feeling ( Philippians 4: 8). I eventually perfected this method. You too can.
I am a man who cares about a good name and good reputation. Committing adultery will put a comma, or question mark, or full stop on the good name I love to have.
Related to the above was the fact that I was conscious of what people will think or say if they hear that I, Charles Ighele was involved in adultery. I, therefore, fill my mind with these words “what if people hear?”
When I started having children another dimension came in. It was “what if my children should hear? What will they think of me? Won’t I have let them down?” I therefore decided to place family interest and reputation above any sexual interest.
I also trained my mind to know that every action has a consequence. Before I take any action therefore, I look at the consequences or the results. And I know that the result of extra marital relationship, or having a side chick can be pregnancy, scandal, blackmail or “whitemail,” sexually transmitted diseases, or spiritual contamination ( 1 Corinthians 6: 12- 20).
Something I did early in my marriage and I have continued to do is to try to bring only females ( married or unmarried) who have a sense of shame near me. Once I discover a lady does not have a sense of shame, I will disconnect from her. It has never happened, but my plan was that in case I loose my senses and approach a female working with me for sex, she would have a sense of shame that will make her to be disappointed with me and thoroughly reject my approach. She should be able to push me away.
I believe that one does not need to be the best Christian, or Islamic or Hindu practitioner before a man can master his feelings for sex, unless his brain is in the head of his rascally male organ. You can control your feelings because the feelings are your own. It is just as you can control your hands because the hands are your own. Love you.