December 7, 2019
This is an exchange between a reader and me. Something I feel touches on the ‘bedroom aspect’ of most relationships of these days.
Read her first:
It’s about my fiance. We have been in a relationship for close to 10 months but he has an unusual habit in the bedroom. My fiance is loving and romantic in his own way. But once we are done making love –especially in the night. I notice a certain withdrawal in him. He communicates less, shifts further (on the bed) from me-as he sleeps off. The few times I tried snuggling up to him for a cuddle, he gently removed my hands (from his body) as he explained that he doesn’t like being ‘held or touched’ when he is trying to sleep.”
He said he wouldnt be able to sleep soundly as such could disrupt his sleep. Yet, by morning, his ‘turgid body’ would be the first to wake me up from sleep demanding for compliance.
I really take this attitude of his personally. I mean it makes me feel ‘used and undesired.’
He has been that way since I met him even before he asked me to marry him.
What kind of man is this insensitive, when ‘cuddling’ is most neededby his woman? I am trying hard to cope but that nagging feeling of rejection is always there and I don’t know what to do about it. The few times I tried talking about it, he was surprised that I see that as an issue. And I have stopped bringing it up in our discussions lest one is seen as a nag.
These days (however), I am even the first to face the wall as soon as ‘the act’ is over. And he doesn’t seem to mind. I thought he would object so that we can at least talk about it.
Our wedding is in a few months time. I don’t know if this attitude of his should be a cause for concern. Please advise me.
Your concerns are valid but let’s look at this dispassionately.
Despite being this way since you met him, he has gone ahead to show you in every other way that he means business with you.
A wedding is even on the horizon. What could be more practical than that?
I mean, some of those that have had ‘oh my God’ cuddled out of them (after every ‘do’) were still left in the cold.
This is the essence of courtship. You pay attention to every nitty gritty of each other’s personality.
That’s just who your guy is and it doesn’t mean he desires you less. Is it not his ‘member’ that gives you a morning call, every day?
Love also means accepting your beloved as he/she is; warts and all. Some people don’t joke with the ease around their sleep.
But your guy lacks tact.
Whatever ‘shoving away’ could achieve; a pat or peck on the cheek can achieve more.
I heard that a lot of men ‘withdraw’ into their shell once ‘the act’ is over.
And it’s not done out of scorn. Probably some signs of being ‘spent’ physically.
When you look at the big picture, the person you are involved with is not a bad person;
He’s probably a loving person, just a few differences in your perceptions.
Henceforth, learn to cuddle your pillow after every ‘do’, please. Be patient with him. He may or may not come around. But take your mind off it unless it’s such a deal breaker for you.
Women don’t take this kind of ‘before and after’ (‘bedroom things’) disposition well.
Nobody wants to be treated like a ‘meal that has been had enough of.’ And can’t be looked at until when hunger calls again.
Learn to be a tad sensitive. It’s everything with a woman!