De­cem­ber 7, 2019

The Punch - - SMART TIPS - From Oby

This is an ex­change be­tween a reader and me. Some­thing I feel touches on the ‘bed­room as­pect’ of most re­la­tion­ships of these days.

Read her first:

It’s about my fi­ance. We have been in a re­la­tion­ship for close to 10 months but he has an un­usual habit in the bed­room. My fi­ance is lov­ing and ro­man­tic in his own way. But once we are done mak­ing love –es­pe­cially in the night. I no­tice a cer­tain with­drawal in him. He com­mu­ni­cates less, shifts fur­ther (on the bed) from me-as he sleeps off. The few times I tried snug­gling up to him for a cud­dle, he gen­tly re­moved my hands (from his body) as he ex­plained that he doesn’t like be­ing ‘held or touched’ when he is try­ing to sleep.”

He said he wouldnt be able to sleep soundly as such could dis­rupt his sleep. Yet, by morn­ing, his ‘turgid body’ would be the first to wake me up from sleep de­mand­ing for com­pli­ance.

I re­ally take this at­ti­tude of his per­son­ally. I mean it makes me feel ‘used and un­de­sired.’

He has been that way since I met him even be­fore he asked me to marry him.

What kind of man is this in­sen­si­tive, when ‘cud­dling’ is most need­edby his woman? I am try­ing hard to cope but that nag­ging feel­ing of re­jec­tion is al­ways there and I don’t know what to do about it. The few times I tried talk­ing about it, he was sur­prised that I see that as an is­sue. And I have stopped bring­ing it up in our dis­cus­sions lest one is seen as a nag.

These days (how­ever), I am even the first to face the wall as soon as ‘the act’ is over. And he doesn’t seem to mind. I thought he would ob­ject so that we can at least talk about it.

Our wed­ding is in a few months time. I don’t know if this at­ti­tude of his should be a cause for con­cern. Please ad­vise me.

Your con­cerns are valid but let’s look at this dis­pas­sion­ately.

De­spite be­ing this way since you met him, he has gone ahead to show you in ev­ery other way that he means busi­ness with you.

A wed­ding is even on the hori­zon. What could be more prac­ti­cal than that?

I mean, some of those that have had ‘oh my God’ cud­dled out of them (af­ter ev­ery ‘do’) were still left in the cold.

This is the essence of courtship. You pay at­ten­tion to ev­ery nitty gritty of each other’s per­son­al­ity.

That’s just who your guy is and it doesn’t mean he de­sires you less. Is it not his ‘mem­ber’ that gives you a morn­ing call, ev­ery day?

Love also means ac­cept­ing your beloved as he/she is; warts and all. Some peo­ple don’t joke with the ease around their sleep.

But your guy lacks tact.

What­ever ‘shov­ing away’ could achieve; a pat or peck on the cheek can achieve more.

I heard that a lot of men ‘with­draw’ into their shell once ‘the act’ is over.

And it’s not done out of scorn. Prob­a­bly some signs of be­ing ‘spent’ phys­i­cally.

When you look at the big pic­ture, the per­son you are in­volved with is not a bad per­son;

He’s prob­a­bly a lov­ing per­son, just a few dif­fer­ences in your per­cep­tions.

Hence­forth, learn to cud­dle your pil­low af­ter ev­ery ‘do’, please. Be pa­tient with him. He may or may not come around. But take your mind off it un­less it’s such a deal breaker for you.


Women don’t take this kind of ‘be­fore and af­ter’ (‘bed­room things’) dis­po­si­tion well.

No­body wants to be treated like a ‘meal that has been had enough of.’ And can’t be looked at un­til when hunger calls again.

Learn to be a tad sen­si­tive. It’s ev­ery­thing with a woman!

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