Reactions to Married Finances & Should you declare all your assets?

Last week, we looked at the topics Should You Declare All Your Assets To Your Spouse and some thoughts on Managing Married Finances. I would like to share some of the responses I received on the articles so we have a robust perspective on the issues

My dear Ononuju,

I have been following your column on Personal Wealth and I must say your insights into Married Finances are interesting to say the least. When I remember a past article about a wife who earns more than her husband and how to cope, I felt that they were speaking to me personally. Ladies my advice from the perspective of hindsight is as follows.

When you as a woman earns a lot of money NEVER NEVER EVER let your husband know how much exactly you have made. If it is N200,000.00 tell him you only made N20,000= or less! The day he realises you have made big bucks is the day he begins to abdicate his responsibilities.

Invest your money wisely on physical assets. Property especially. Buy in the name of your children or in your maiden name that way he cannot claim it for his own in case you suddenly die before him. Many women have died suddenly and their husbands have either sat on their property to the detriment of their children or disposed of the said properties to take a new wife and not pay school fees.

Even if you earn big bucks make sure you continue to ask for your entitlements, housekeeping and payment of school fees. Also payment of domestic staff salaries. If you have a sincere husband and he is experiencing a shortfall and he tells you, you can then make a contribution to either the school fees or domestics salaries, however let him know that it is a temporary arrangement.

As a mother I took over school uniforms, books and lunch and that has been my contribution. Sometimes I have had to pay fees but other times, it was a joint effort though lately, it has been two thirds: one third. I leave you to imagine where the ratio falls.

The situation differs from household to household. On Hajia and Kunle, maybe all Kunle does is pay rent. We don’t know the full story. Have a blessed week. Mama Ola

My Dear Ononuju,

I read with interest your column in THISDAY STYLE today and decided that it is because it’s April Fool’s Day that the joke is on women. I observe that in your tips for the Groom you are silent on”sharing income with your Bride”.

You bravely include it as a tip to the Bride. Hello? So many women suffer through marriages totally unaware of the streams of income their husband has (or doesn’t as the case may be). Worse still, some men die and a big chunk of their assets, insurance policy proceeds, entitlements, landed property and other worldly goods are lost because these were a secret from the spouse in their lifetime. So, what was all the sweat about?

Conversely, many women live in blissful ignorance of the family’s financial liabilities. Women are a very intelligent gender, almost intellectually superior to men and even more financially savvy than many men. Yes we may wish to submit to our husbands, but it is a two-way street.

I am recommending quarterly AGMs in every marriage to review goals and achievements and ensure the marriage, children and homestead is on track. You must address directly the duty of FINANCIAL INCLUSION in marriage; the onus is on both parties to be transparent and accountable to each other. All other planning is futile if this bridge remains uncrossed.

Apart from which the article was very interesting and covered many salient points. Keep up the good work. Regards Mabel

Good afternoon,

My name is Angela, I’m 30yrs old, engaged. My fiance is 35, a banker. I’m in between corporate jobs at the moment. I currently own a small hairdressing salon to keep me busy and improve my cashflow. I just read your page in last sunday’s ThisDay Style and I must say you are very correct. Your article really touched home and I really had to send you this email.

First of all, in your first paragraph, talking about roles, I daresay most men these days don’t want to accept the financial aspects of their roles. Here is why I said so (please, please, please correct me if I’m wrong or share your opinion where you disagree). My fiancé believes we should split the costs of rent and furnishing right down the middle, 50-50. I was so shocked! All I kept thinking was, did he plan to live with his parents forever if I never came along? I thought the ideal thing was for a man to get an apartment and prepare it to bring in a wife, and of course, unofficially the woman makes the place more comfortable.

Something else that worries me is his belief about weddings. My guy wants a proper full blown affair. Funny enough, I want a quiet gig, maximum 50 guests but he insists and has asked if my parents would make any financial contribution. I prefer to focus on the home, making it as comfortable as we can afford without breaking the bank while we have sizeable savings to start us off with a good financial plan. Any contribution would be a windfall, and it would automatically go towards savings!!

I told him, if he is demanding so much financial contribution from me, then he should wait till I get a very good paid job, but he insists that me tending to my small business is good because it would give me time for him and kids, when they come.

I’m just totally confused, please help me out. What do you think about all this? Am I wrong to have these opinions? What advice to you have for me.

Angela

One thing is clear from the comments: one rule cannot apply to all as each relationship is different. You must learn about your spouse and determine what you want from the relationship and what platforms will help you achieve that.

Determine where you want to be. Know your spouse as best as you can and ensure your values, thoughts, aspirations and career goals are well spelt out to avoid ambiguity and disappointment. Insist on a plan that you both have drawn up and the specific roles each person will play barring any unexpected events. It is better to have a plan to guide you, than to be blown away by every whimsical and foolhardy trend

Remember, you are the driver in the vehicle that’s is your financial future and no amount of fasting, praying or witchcraft will give you an enduring legacy if you do not prepare, work hard and remain focused.

Please send an email to ononujui@yahoo.com with your comments or contributions or follow me on twitter @ononujui

Have a great week.

One thing is clear from the comments: one rule cannot apply to all as each relationship is different. You must learn about your spouse and determine what you want from the relationship and what platforms will help you achieve that.