Her Point of View

WITH

It’s Womens History month, and the need to empower the girl-child and voices of women to be heard cannot be over emphasized. But then, are we being fair on our boys? Imagine raising a perfect girl child, who grows up to be an Executive, and a perfect ‘take home to mama’, then she falls in the hands of that little boy who was treated as king and has grown up to believe that he doesn’t have to do anything at all, because he is meant to be served. This week’s edition features Yetunde Williams, Founder of Lagos Mums, who shares her thoughts on raising the male and female child.

Pledge for parity- Raise girls and boys for their future Together

Adeola take your plate to the kitchen, Adeola you better make good grades in school, Adeola you better know how to do more than boil rice for your future husband, Adeola I am telling you “do not fill your head with nonsense, men of nowadays want a woman who will pull her weight and bring money home”. Adeola do not let men take advantage of you.

Adeola is pushed to apply her abilities and attend the best schools and get the highest level of degree possible. This is how many of our daughters are raised with a mix of demands and training to be both a homemaker and leader in the boardroom.

There is a lot of focus on raising girls who are empowered, who can make choices and know that they can do anything they set their minds to. Girls of today generally believe that their gender should not be a limitation in being all they want to be. So we are raising women who ask questions, who challenge status quo and are able to hold conversations with anyone.

International Women’s month is a time to focus on women, to celebrate women and to highlight the challenges that women still face. Women still face a lot of challenges that differ from family to family and from culture to culture.

What we can agree to is that there is a dedicated focus on raising empowered girls that can do it all, lean in and attain the perfect balancing act.

What about the boys? Adeola’s brother on the other hand is probably not being raised to have the softer skills, at least not consciously. Culture and society has its own demands of what a ‘man’ is supposed to look like. From growing up, these boys are taught to be tough and in many homes, are treated like mini-kings. Their only requirement many times, is to get good grades. However Boys also need to be carefully raised to be the gentlemen of the future. After all, these are the same boys that our girls will interact with as friends, as colleagues in the office or business and from who they will ultimately marry.

What happens when we focus on girls to be all they can be and forget the boys, how do we prepare them to embrace the multi-faceted woman.

We need to raise boys who are not bullies, boys who respect women for their minds and not just their bodies. We need to raise our boys and girls to be ready to live their futures together. No point doing all this hard work to raise girls who are able to be all they can be and their male counterparts think their role as the man of house does not include supporting women outside of financial support.

So we do not swing too much to the extreme, there is the need for respect and that respect is a two way thing for both girls and boys. Wisdom in the new roles of today needs to be sought after. We should help to eradicate labels.

My pledge for parity is to raise girls and boys who are ready to live together in the future. To raise men who respect women for who they are and all they can offer. To raise women who do not feel relegated or lack self-confidence. To raise boys and girls to become men and women who support each other and encourage each other’s dreams and goals. To have men and women who see each other first as a human being who has been wonderfully and fearfully made with his or her own unique gifts and talents.

A man is not just a bank account and a woman is not just a cook or sex symbol. By removing imagined labels we can have the right mindset and the change must first start from us, with our children in our homes. Each parent’s voice is the loudest when it comes to their children before you point to media, culture and school.

I started by telling my young son that gentlemen hold the door open for ladies to go through, he first giggled at the idea but then said “Oh ok, so I will be a gentleman” starting with his sister and classmates. Little steps start from home.

The time to start is now.

Yetty Williams- Lagos Mums