FAT SHAMING
BATTLE OF THE BULGE - PART 18 (WEEK 19)
Recap and vital statistics:
I am 5 feet and 10 inches tall and 60 years old.
I was super-slim till about 10 years ago, then gradually got fat.
I started this weight loss programme on March 16th when I weighed a whopping 120kg and measured 49-47-51 (chest-waist-hips) inches.
Last week, I told you that I once weighed about 70kg, but feel that I don’t need to return to that level of youthful slimness at this advanced age and will therefore settle for 85kg.
I made this mistake because when I was super-slim, I calculated my weight in stones and pounds (the somewhat whimsical British Imperial measurement system). But in recent years, I’ve switched to the Metric System, which is more universal and more efficient.
Anyway, last week, when I nostalgically recalled my lowest adult weight being 8.5 stones, instead of converting stones to kilos with a calculator, I went down the mental arithmetic route and wound up with 70kg.
Then an old friend read the article and cornered me and said: “You’re pretty lousy at maths, Donu! 70kg is about 11 stone; and I clearly remember you being borderline anorexic in appearance. And, trust me, no way were you ever 11 stone at your slimmest!”
So I recalculated and discovered that 8.5 stones is actually just under 55kg. And it suddenly occurred to me that I may have subconsciously miscalculated what 8.5 stones is in kilos on purpose – as in perhaps I deliberately came up with the 70kg over-estimation because I cannot bear the thought of being THAT much bigger than I used to be.
I am determined to reach my 85kg target long before 2020 draws to a close and preferably by my birthday in October; and when my bathroom scales hit that 85kg mark, I will look a lot better than I look now. But I will still be a humungous THIRTY KILOS heavier than I was in my heyday.
Whereas, 70kg is only 15kg less than 85kg; and for someone who has an almost neurotic perfectionist streak, it’s far easier, psychologically, to accept a smaller departure from the ideal.
In other words, I am really seriously struggling to persuade myself that it’s OK to stop the difficult weight loss journey at 85kg because though my body will look tons trimmer at 85kg – and feel so much stronger and so much more agile - it will not look perfect.
And though my currently overburdened knees will have quit creaking painfully by the time I shed enough excess baggage to hit 85kg, there will still be some fatty wobbly bits on my hips, stomach and thighs.
OK, so if the thought of stopping at 85kg bothers me, why don’t I continue until I get closer to my lowest adult weight of 55kg?
After all, according to the respected American Healthline website,
it’s normal and healthy for someone of my height to weigh between 60kg and
75kg (which means that I was slightly underweight at 55kg).
So if my Inner Voice keeps telling me that I should not lazily compromise, shouldn’t I be aiming for 60-75kg instead of 85kg?
Truth is that I’m torn between 2 conflicting cultural attitudes when it comes to this weight matter.
On the one hand, I grew up in the UK, where it is regarded as desirable to maintain the same weight throughout your adulthood.
On the other hand, I have spent a large chunk of the past 2 decades in Nigeria, where women are constantly told that it is good to have some “flesh”on your bones, especially in middle or old age. This is a country where many females abandon fitted Western style clothing as they age and cloak their burgeoning curves in bubus.
The UK is a country where “fat” or “plump” are insults and older women merrily wear bikinis and shorts without raising eyebrows.
The friend who described my younger body as “borderline anorexic” is black…and thinks I look much nicer now than I did then.
Another friend called me the other day and laughingly accused me of “constantly talking rubbish” about female fatness…which he loves.
Meanwhile, my Oyinbo pals regularly contact me to cheer on my weight loss plans, convinced as they are that I have “let myself go” and lost my “mojo” or “groove” since I allowed the kilos to pile on.
Another reason why many Nigerians disapprove of super-slimness in older women is that a complete absence of padding can take its toll on your face and make you look haggard.
But doctors – foreign ones mostly – will sternly assure you that you should worry less about your neck being scraggy than about the fact that any excess weight can trigger off diabetes, cardiac arrests, etc.OK, so my weight is hovering around the 106kg mark. Let’s see how I will look and feel at 85kg and whether I will feel obliged to carry on.
DONU KOGBARA IS A VANGUARD NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST. Please feel free to share your thoughts about her weight loss journey on donzol2002@yahoo.co.uk