See Saro and Die

‘It is the narrative of a career liar, perennially determined to crookedly project himself above his true standing among men...... There is no end to this individual’s capacity for infantile mischief and for needless, mind boggling provocations’

This is Professor Soyinka’s response to Obasanjo’s latest book. A book I simply cannot find anywhere. I need that book urgently otherwise I will contemplate suicide.

These two have been at each other’s throat since I was born in 1969. I remember reading one of the learned Professors works where he described meeting OBJ somewhere in Ibadan during the civil war. He had come to him with a message from Biafra and was instructed to deliver it personally. Soyinka came out of that experience a different man. This I dare say may have been the root of this unending feud which I am beginning to think may lead to their respective graves.

Well for me, those words are just too much for a respected statesman like Obj. I am taking sides with Obj in this matter and in all matters that concerns him going forward. What is it, the man is trying to write history the way he sees it and everybody is jumping up and biting him. He has the creative license to write anything on any issue how he sees it and in his own words. The fact that Prof has more hair than he does does not give him the audacity to use these kinds of words on Baba.

We should all be grateful to God for giving us a personality like Baba. Baba single handedly recaptured Biafra, he brought the civil war to an end, he collapsed apartheid and freed Mandela with Juju and scared the living daylight out of IBB when that one was the maximum ruler and even in jail, he sent very strong signals to Abacha that he would no longer tolerate his regime. He it was who told us the exact date Yaradua died and delivered for us Jonathan with a stroke of his pen, so why won’t he write about his ‘watch’.

I even think that everybody should write their own book Jo. Me I have started writing my own and would be appointing Obj as creative consultant on my work. Prof I expect you to review my work and don’t dare call me a compulsive liar. If you disagree with me on some issues especially the role I played in the building of the National Theatre just call me privately and we will discuss. Do not expose me o otherwise my people in Akwa Ibom will think you are fighting me because I am from a minority area.

Obj has in this book, that we still have not read made a lot of enemies. I fear for him when the book is now publicly available then he would have over 100m enemies. People, even ex convicts are just jumping on the founder of modern Nigeria to denigrate his contributions and personally insult him

Professor Soyinka, apart from wining the Nobel and writing the ‘ the Man Died’ what have you concretely contributed to our Nation. Are you the one that gave us GSM, are you the one that hugged Ezekwezili, were you there during the Aburi declaration, do you have a big farm, you don’t even have tribal marks and I have never seen you so what is giving you all these arrogance that you can call our messiah these kinds of name. How many Governors have come to beg you, you are not in OBJ’s class, have you fought Atiku, are you a member of PDP. The more I ask these questions the more I get upset.

Obj is not a liar o. He is a creative genius and some of us are waiting for the second volume of the book. At least in that volume, we will finally know who killed Dele Giwa and we will also know the truth behind Nnamdi Azikiwe’s paternity.

So Prof and the rest of you stear clear as we write the true history of Nigeria the way we see it. Look out for my own version with the foreword written by my mentor and father Chief(Gen) Olusegun Matthew

I literally died watching this powerful and energy sapping musical on Christmas Eve. I had been assured by Bolanle the enigmatic producer that this year, would be different and true to her words it was a marvel. The stage, lighting, props and costumes all combined to numb my senses.

I was totally violated by the raw talent and guided energy that was unfolded on stage that dry December evening at the MUSON. I willingly released my soul to be constantly ravaged by the powerful interpretations on stage. It was an unending orgasm of theatrical pleasure. The actors evoked in me a lost sense of direction. They showed me just how far I had lost my bearing in life. The joy, the reckless abandon, the palpitating flow of sexual tensions and the gentle flirtation between the actors on stage all combined in assisting me transcend this wicked world.

If it was possible to say this was a perfect production I would say so. But seriously, I watched with the eye of a critic and did not see anything, I watched with the eye of a man from the streets and it was the same and at some point I even floated on stage and hovered watching in mesmerizing awe at these thespians kill this production. Even up there, my spirit was almost electrocuted. These people were not joking o. They moved, spoke and danced as if their souls had been taken over by some vile spirit who was now using their bodies to turn us in the audience into willing slaves and zombies.

I could not single out the best performer, they all gave out the best performances of their career. I am sure there would be no way in this world that such incandescent performances would be replicated. Despite this, the first song of the production, ‘ma gbagbe mi’ as usual reduced me to a whimpering toddler. I had come prepared, because last year I cried despite the poor sound quality, so this year I had taken a bet that there would be no way in this world that I will cry again. By the time the actor was on Aremu Obasanjo and remember, there is death o

I swore not to write anything about this our candidate, but this is just irresistible. I did not hear or see his statement that he would abolish the office of the First Lady if elected, it was my mummy Patience Goodluck’s response that brought the matter to me. In her response she spoke about the usefulness of the office and how it has been used as a veritable tool for mobilisation of women and as such it’s importance and relevance must continue to be guaranteed.

Mummy leave this fight for me. Just concentrate on other important things like finding our chibok girls let me face this Buhari guy. You see why he has not won one single election except the one that made him military Head of State. It is these kind of talk that alienates a very powerful segment of the population. How can you annoy the First Lady and all those who have held the post and those who hope to hold it in one fell swoop and expect to win. the second line, I was sobbing and at the end of the song I was competing with Tinubu in loud uncontrollable sobs. The performance was highly charged although the female lead could not rise to the level of the male in voice quality she more than made up for it with her body movements and the show of pain and anguish at the imminent loss of her lover.

Uncle Bimbo Manuel was in total control of the flow. His strong manly disposition, his voice quality, bold and confident swagger across the stage and total ownership of his universe all combined in giving the production the needed depth. His performance commanded us to sit still and just shut up. That performance was oscar worthy.

Let me thank Bolanle once again for this breathe of fresh air in our theatre landscape. In the story line which delicately weaved through all the sequences and plots, the varied and very bold costumes, the dance and songs, she was able to tell very vividly the story of Lagos while still entertaining us.

I would also like to thank my friend and brother, Kenneth who directed this masterpiece. You did a marvelous job. Words have failed me and my hands are still shaking even as I write. But I should have been casted o.

In that statement, you have shown that you do not respect women, you do not wish them well and you have thrown all the achievements of the Nigerian woman into the gutter. The office of the First Lady has over the years grown into a major catalyst of growth in our economy. Didn’t you see that it contributed significantly in making our economy the largest in Africa. Can you quantify its role in stabilising the Governors Forum and its role in supporting the Nigerian Fashion industry.

I think the real problem Buhari has with the office is his inability to choose from his wives which one will be the First Lady in the event of his emergence. It’s very simple na, get Tinubu involved in the selection process. A primary can be conducted and the wives would campaign and state their plans and preparedness for the role. Then you get delegates from APC to help in voting and from there a winner will emerge. The winning First Lady can now select the second runner up as standby by candidate. So instead of canvassing for the cancellation of the office because of personal confusion, this my suggestion should be applied.

Please leave the office alone o that is the only reason my wife is still with me. I have sworn to her to stay in the marriage despite all my dodgy moves because she is hoping to be the First Lady whenever either of the two parties zone the Presidency to Akwa Ibom Jo Biko Buhari look for another project. There are plenty.