To Hell with House Girls!

hell with house-girls? The other day I asked myself this question when someone in a conversation said “to hell with house-girls!” That’s easier said than done, I thought. No, it isn’t easier said than done, I countered again in my mind. Mums in the UK don’t have house-girls and somehow, they get on with it? Really, I argued within me, at what expense do UK mums get on with it? At the expense of having “no social life”, I answered myself. Take for instance many single mums today, in the UK - If they’re lucky to have a 9 to 5 job, they get up at 5am, fix the breakfast and pack lunches for the day; get the children up and moderate their personal care; whisk them off to breakfast club by 7.30 am; catch the bus or drive to their own jobs; head back at the close of their shift to the after-school club or child-minder for the children; attend to their homework/projects while they fix dinner; scurry the children to bed by 9pm; clean up the house and iron for the next day; then hopefully tiredly, get into their own bed by midnight to wake up at 5am again. Please note that each activity in this list is effortful and stressful. Each of her chores must be rigidly timed (as you come to find that timing activities in the UK is a way of life) each is done with no house-girl to help. Nigerian mums are lucky in many ways! The house-girls, house-boys, Wash-man, live-in relations, grandparents, aunties and uncles chip in to help. This to many UK mums is luxury, un-obtainable and un-affordable. Many parents today may be denying their children of what has made them the men and women of tenacity, diligence and discipline that they are. I am talking of house-work - this good old fair share of the chores around the house. Our grandparents saw the potential in house work to train and mould our parents.They never called it child abuse. They allocated chores to our parents who had to carry them out or face certain penalties, good old discipline. There were well defined ground rules and penalties and your parents’ displeasure was definitely unpleasant! Why are many children today not sweeping, hoovering, washing-up, laundering, washing the car, washing clothes, cooking, dusting, doing the shopping with you, etc? Last month, I got a few reasons validating the necessity for house-helps from 9ja mums. Here are some of the responses I got from people: “It’s a job (talking of the house-girl, house-boy, steward, etc positions),doyouknowhowmanypeoplehouse-girlsthemselves cater for? What you pay your house-girl reaches far!” “My children have home-work and lessons to do when they get back from school. They don’t finish all of these until around 8pm.” “That is what I pay my house-girls to do. That is their job that I am paying for.” “Times have changed now. My steward can’t say that the work is too much! He has the electric blender, gas cooker, electric kettle, pounds-yam machine freezer, rice-cooker, tap-water...” “If I make my children do the work alongside the house-help, they would be mal-treated by these people (house-help). Parents must be careful to clearly define the house-girl’s role.” “I need my children to focus on their studies. This is why I got the house-helps in the first place.” “Ladies can’t do without the service of their house-helps in Nigeria. Our men don’t share in chores at home! How many 9ja men would change the baby’s nappy?” “The typical house-wife is not only catering for the needs of her husband and children in our society. She is also addressing the problems of the extended family. How can she cope with it all without a house-girl? “Joggling the demands of work with family is impossible without the assistance of a house help.” “Many house-helps are good and last for a long time. A lot of our women mal-treat them!” “They are ‘necessary evils’ according to how they are now generally known in our society. We can’t manage without them!” “If only our Nigerian men will help their women in the home front, we will not need house-helps so much.” “Not that we don’t want our children to work around the house, the issue is that the world has become much more advanced and requires our children to be academic from the outset.They have to study more.” “If you can afford them, why not? They don’t come cheap, you know? You also feed them house them and extend your generosity to their ‘bagages’ as we call it.” “I’ve lost my mum, I have an aged father, I have no sibling that can help me around the house. I can’t cope without employing house-girls!” “It’s a status thing for many rich Nigerians! One house-girl is ok but what do you find? Our people are having two even three house-girls for different chores.” “House-girls?They have shown me ‘pepper’ over the years. Each time I swear that I won’t use them anymore. But, I find after a while that I can’t keep up with work around the house, so I go looking for them again!” “The problem we have with them is that they come into our homes with their own agenda. You always have to ‘be in the spirit’ to manage them.” “House-girls, you can never tell what you’d get. You must struggle to keep an open mind. People have more ugly tales to tell about them than good.”