Adams Oshiomhole: ‘Dino Malaye is a Lunatic with No Matrimonial........

A lot of people do not know Agiliti in Lagos. It is a suburb after Mile 12 market. During one of my underground moves, I used to pursue a pretty damsel to the place. Those days, you will park your car under the Mile 12 bridge, take a bike up to a point, and jump into a canoe and then another bike before finally getting to Toyin’s house. After all the stress, I will get there and see another man who had left his house at 4am to get there before noon. I will just sit down on the staircase and cry. What kind of suffering be this for a woman, even though she was the prettiest in all Agiliti. Luckily, she relocated to America and my sojourn to Agiliti stopped. But sometime last week, on my way back from Ikorodu, I decided to take a visit there to greet her mum who was still in Agiliti and who used to give me a shoulder to cry on, whenever Toyin decided to deal with me. The road was well built this time, a new bridge had been constructed and I could not believe that this was where I used to hire rain boots and risked drowning to come to see my Toyin ‘tomato.’But as I drove by I noticed a huge concentration of our northern brothers and remembered that it crossed my mind just how easy the evil ones could infiltrate this obviously hardworking people to cause mayhem. Even at that, I still marveled at the seeming co-existence between our brothers from the north who brought in the much needed pepper my Yoruba brothers need for their staple stew. So I was really taken aback when the news of the riots broke. I hear a lot of people lost their lives on both sides and it once again threw the issue of ethnic and religious intolerance to the front burner. I beg our leaders, this time spiritual leaders to jump in and ensure that we all begin to tolerate one another, live peacefully especially at this time when the hardship we face as Nigerians does not respect any ethnic or religious divide. As for Toyin and Agiliti, I say thank you, no more visits from me. I don try.

I have eaten so many times at Folly Coker’s lounge in VI aptly named Browns Cafe but never for once believed that I could eat Amala at the place. Last weekend, I got a call from my new friend, an investment banker and serial entrepreneur. He had just finished reading Loud Whispers and thought ever so strongly that he had to reward me with a meal for such beautiful writing. You see why some people will remain great, others read, call me and laugh but never offer me food. Olisa Metuh, Ita-Giwa, Ben Bruce please take note. Anyways, he said I should meet him at Browns and I wondered if he was going to give me meat pie to eat. Well, I carried myself there and met one of the best prepared Amala in this Lagos. Kai, I counted 13 pieces of meat and the bowl that it was served in was something else. Jacob screamed immediately his own came and I started salivating immediately I saw his own. Kai, my people as a Calabar man, I drank the food o. Ate all the meat and thanked Jacob profusely for this experience. He just smiled. This Folly Coker, I have tried to befriend him for sometime now and he never even mentioned this Amala, well thanks to him, I have discovered it and will be going there only on salary day or better still I connive with his driver who will hint me anytime his Oga is there so I just use style and branch and get the Amala for free. He you are the man o.

Ok here is my take. Baba Oshiomhole went too far with this response. Dino is a Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and as such cannot be a lunatic. I personally know this because I once saw him somewhere in Ikoyi and he greeted me well not like a lunatic would. He was wearing a very fine T-shirt with beautiful loafers though not made in Nigeria sha. He walked spritely and did not show any sign of mental illness. So I do not agree with this remark. But some times people provoke others and bring upon themselves this kind of abuse. Of all the examples to use to illustrate a position, it is that of the very beautiful and I must say exotic First Lady of Edo State. You see beauty transcends boundaries and forex. I would gladly buy all the dollars at whatever rate to have such a damsel in my house, so my brother Dino something’s are exempted from the ban list. Just check the CBN list of embargoed products and you will see the exemption granted by the Government allowing the importation of

To me this was a love story we just had to spoil. The two young people met and fell in love. The fact that she was underage did not deter them and they decided to do the next best thing, elope. Young innocent love knowing no ethnic or religious boundaries. To me the only issue here is her age. But for that age, she had no business falling in love, eloping or being abducted. She should still be within the comfort of her loving environment, being schooled and prepared for an eventful adulthood. They say she refused to leave her Romeo, they say she was forcefully converted to Islam, they say she was violated and today she is pregnant with a lifetime of experiences. After reading various versions I still don’t know the true position all I am seeing are different stakeholders twisting the story to cover their incompetence. From the police both Bayelsa and Kano to the Emir to the respective State Governments, to the ‘groom’s’ parents and most of all her own parents. It’s sad, cause the issues of religion and ethnic bigotry have tainted this otherwise sweet story if only she was of age. If only she was 18 and she truly fell in love with her Muslim Romeo beautiful mermaids not only from Cape Verde but from all over the world. Now this brings me to the issue at hand, should bride price be paid in forex or localised and this is what I think the real issue is and not whether someone is a lunatic or not. I paid my dowry in Naira in Shomolu and I am regretting. I paid N2,000 at the time when the Naira was exchanging for less than N100. But you see that was not a very good investment because 20 years later the 2,000 is now almost worth less than N50.00k But imagine if I had gone the Oshiomhole way to pay in forex at these exchange rates, I would have begged my wife to agree to a divorce so I can get a refund. She would have accepted because I would have given her a small commission. So my people, an expatriate wife is not only a good thing but also a store of value. At N300 to the dollar, you marry a Rwandan or even an Afgain, after 12 months you divorce her and ask for a refund by that time you will be threatening the Forbes list. I tell you.

and willingly converted to Islam to be with him, defying all resistance from her shallow minded people and both of them standing strong in love resisting all wahala from both sides. It would have been such a sweet sweet story, like my own. You know my people offered to commit mass suicide if I went ahead to marry my Yoruba princess and we both eloped to Shomolu Local Government to have a secret wedding with no Calabar or Yoruba people present. Today, we have three very lovely ‘half caste’ kids after paving the way for another two inter-tribal marriages in my small family. So let’s go out there and inter-marry as a solution to all this religious and ethnic bigotry that is killing this nation.

My wife has given me an ultimatum. My first son, Joseph Olusola Edgar, must attend Yale. She gave this pronouncement as soon as she stood up she was delivered of the boy at the Onikan Health Centre. I swallowed spittle and agreed. My people as the guy is progressing, my fear is increasing. Where will I see this school fees. With the kind of salary I am earning, how can I afford the forex laden school fees. To make matters worse, everybody around me have children schooling abroad, even those according to her that are ‘not up to me’. So you see my joy when our great President announced gleefully that the country can no longer afford to fund the demand for international school fees. I used style to drop the paper care- lessly on the kitchen for her to see. She read it and used the paper to wrap dry fish and continued with her plan for Yale. I am in trouble because now my wahala is almost double as I would be exposed to the parallel market where the rate is as volatile as my father-in-law’s temper. So the solution for this is to push for a total ban on international studies( please don’t show my wife this write up o, otherwise na couch I go dey sleep with other deprivations) Buhari, please let’s ban this thing jo after all we have great schools here na. Schools that produced your Vice President and other prominent Nigerians. Let’s redirect these funds into rebuilding and building great schools locally again and we will be the better for it. My wife must not see this o. Cowardice wan kill me.

Let me first congratulate this Egbon for the birth of his son. God will allow him grow in a united and prosperous Nigeria. I just finished reading your treatise as published on a Linda Ikeji Blog on the Futa Jallon people or something like that. As usual, the write up was reeking with highly concentrated and accurate historical facts that made me clearly understand the thinking and sociology of the Fulani people especially their herdsmen. But here is the thing , the conclusions as reached in that write up remains in the realm of theory at best conspiracy theory that would in no way assist in resolving the many issues that pervade our corporate existence. My take is that with your growing influence, boldness and unparalleled courage you should lead a pragmatic push at democratically reclaiming power with a view to harnessing the full potentials of this country to the betterment of all Nigerians. These theories only serve to enlighten and educate us if at all while the schisms continue to eat deep into the fabric of our society. Is it the Futa Jallon people who made PDP go choose that kind of baggage as their chairman? Is it the Fulani herdsmen that cause all the distrust amongst even the Yorubas or the Fulani herdsmen that is making Wike and Amaechi to be at each other’s throats like nursery school children? If the Fulani as stated in your well written write up are a cohesive people who think in collectives and the betterment of their people as a whole why won’t they rule and is it their fault that we are saddled with selfish and imbecilic leadership this side of the River Niger? For me, I’d rather be in perpetual servitude of the Fulani herdsman if the chances of my children living a better life is assured than being under a selfish and clueless leadership like the last dispensation simply because they were bowler hat or agbada, my take.