The Enemy Within: Domestic Violence in Nigeria
Call it Spousal Abuse or Gender Violence, the incidents of domestic violence in Nigeria are not only on the increase, but the issue is sadly, not getting adequate attention from Government and relevant agencies. In the past few years, many lives have been
WWhat is Domestic Violence? ith the possible exception of a few (maybe 5% or less), the wedding day is a joyous day. In Nigeria it is a big occasion notwithstanding the social and economic status of the families involved. Every member of the two families has a role to play in making that day (be it traditional or court/church wedding) a day to remember. Violence and death is far away from the minds of the people as they eat, drink and dance. At least not death at each other’s hands, even though they made the vows:
“to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.’’
No man or woman would think or want to believe that he or she is getting married to the ENEMY; or even starting a relationship with the ENEMY. But unfortunately, that is what some relationships and marriages have become. People are living, dining, relating and sleeping with the enemy. Domestic violence is also referred to as a crime of passion; spousal violence; violence in intimacy; and family violence.
In Nigeria, domestic violence cannot be defined exclusively to be violence between husband and wife. This is because of the extended family system we operate. Thus, domestic violence in Nigeria, is violence that occurs in the private sphere, amongst people with a familial relationship. These include husband/wife; parents/children; in- laws/wife/husband; uncles/aunties/ nephews/nieces; boyfriend/girlfriend; etc. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological in nature. It is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviours that one partner uses against a current or former intimate partner; or family members on other family members. It commonly happens in relationships where the abuser and the victim are currently or were previously dating, living together, married or divorced. Domestic violence is purposeful behaviour. It is the use of abusive behaviour or violence to control the victim using fear and intimidation. Though victims of domestic violence can be male or female, majority of the victims are women and young girls (especially in cases of child defilement in the home).
How does it start? When does it start? What triggers it?
These are some of the questions often asked about domestic violence. In many abusive relationships, the physical and sexual violence does not begin until after the relationship is well established, and for many women, their first experience of physical violence will be during pregnancy. However, perpetrators of abuse and violence are often initially very controlling and dominating over their partners during courtship, and often times ladies mistakenly interprete this as petty jealousy or consider it sign of true love for them. That is why you hear ladies especially say “he loves me, that is why he is angry with me; that is why he wants me around him all the time; that is why he checks my phone etc’’.
From a controlling behaviour, it progresses to verbal abuse, to physical, then sexual and psychological.
Domestic violence is a gender issue, and should be understood in the context of social structure and inequality between men and women in the society, and not just the dynamics of individual relationships. Male violence towards women results from patriarchal norms in our society, where men believe they are superior to women and that it is their innate right to dominate. Sex role stereotypes, homophobic attitudes among men, and cultural traditions that devalue women, are all elements of this culture of violence. Religion is also used – manipulated and misinterpreted to further subjugate women and batter them into submission. Thus, the major trigger of domestic violence is patriarchy – a system that preaches male superiority over women; whereby a little boy of 5 years old is considered greater than his 21 year old sister, has more say and commands more respect. A system that preaches that a woman is incomplete without a man, and as such, an abusive man is better than no man.
Domestic violence as indeed other forms of gender-based violence, knows no boundaries, as it affects all categories of women/young girls – rich/poor; old/young; literate/illiterate; Christian/ Muslim; and people from various ethnic backgrounds. It is also grossly under reported, as to a very large extent, it is socially accepted and there even exist laws that permit a man to reasonably chastise his wife ( Penal Code of Northern Nigeria)
Titilayo Arowolo Late Titilayo Arowolo, was a 29 year old professional banker who got married to Akolade Arowolo, and they had a little baby girl. Though just married for less than two years, Titi was abused several times by her husband, as colleagues testified that she often came to work with injuries on her face, hands etc. She always covered up and never told her colleagues the truth about the sources of her injuries, out of shame and of course, wanting to be a ‘’good wife who doesn’t expose her husband”. Titi however, told her family, as she ran home to her father (her mother had passed on) several times. The last time was two months before her death at Akolade’s hands. She stayed with her father for over a month until Akolade, using the Bible and religious intermediaries, lured her back home, where he stabbed her to death in 2011.
Other Cases In the same vain, Ronke Shonde, a banker, and a mother of two, was found dead in her Lagos home early last year (2016), allegedly beaten to death by her husband Lekan Shonde, who fled the scene, but was later arrested by the police. In Ibadan, in the same 2016, Yewande Fatoki-Oyediran, a female lawyer in Ibadan, stabbed and killed her husband Oyelowo Oyediran.
Recently in Makurdi, a young Air Force male recruit by name Kalu shot and killed his girlfriend (also an Air Force recruit) by name Shola. According to reports, he shot her because he found out that she was double-dating.
This year, a Lagos driver, Shakiru Bello, was arrested for allegedly killing his wife, Sherifat, and cutting her remains into pieces to escape the wrath of her father, Akeem Atanda, and to avoid being prosecuted for her death. Shakiru added that after hiding her remains in different uncompleted buildings in Lagos, he fled to Ibadan, Oyo State. They had been married for 6 years before parting ways last year (2016) and Sherifat had gone asking for money for the upkeep of their three children, when Shakiru attacked and killed her.
Emotional & Psychological Impact of Domestic Violence
The impact of domestic violence is not always physical, and it is not in all cases, that it leads to death. In a lot of cases, it causes emotional and psychological injuries to its victims, and by so doing, it reduces the quality of their lives. Victims of domestic violence live with so much emotional pain, that they often shut down emotionally. This is an understandable, but damaging, defence mechanism. Often victims of domestic violence have a flat, expressionless appearance. They feel little or nothing, which can in turn, set them up for more abuse. Over the course of time, this can lead to clinical depression. Traumatic experiences of domestic violence alters the bodies of the victims inside out, particularly their brains, nervous system, and hormones. This can result in nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks (similar to nightmares, but they take place when one is awake), insomnia, and chronic fatigue. Many victims of domestic violence, particularly those who experience chronic abuse, experience these traumatic symptoms over a long period of time and develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome).
Domestic Violence & Children The impact of domestic violence on
children is huge, but often ignored or underestimated. Children in homes where domestic violence occurs either witness it or are victims themselves.
Children witness domestic violence by SEEING actual incidents of physical and/or sexual abuse; HEARING threats or fighting noises from across the hall way or in another room; OBSERVING the aftermath of physical and/or sexual abuse such as blood, bruises, torn clothes, broken household items etc. Also children may be AWARE of tension in the home through their mother’s fearful actions on hearing the car of the abuser pull up the driveway or park in the compound.
Children are also direct victims of violence, when couples during a fight sometimes hit the child; or take out their aggression on the child physically and verbally. Children are also victims of sexual abuse in the home. In a study titled Sexual Epidemic in Nigeria: A Silent Epidemic, released recently by Project Alert on Violence Against Women, an NGO that advocates for zero tolerance for all forms of violence against women and children (especially the girl child), 77 % of sexual assault victims in Nigeria are children. 50% of this occurs in the home
by family members, known, loved and trusted by these children. These include biological fathers, adopted fathers, uncles, cousins and other relatives.
Project Alert’s Response to Domestic & Sexual Violence
In responding to domestic violence issues in Nigeria, Project Alert adopted a three pronged approach. These are: Research & Documentation, Human Rights Education and Support Services. At Project Alert, all interventions introduced are first preceded by research – a needs assessment. Recommendations that come out from research, are what inform practical intervention strategies. For instance, very early in the existence of the organisation in 2001, it conducted a national study on violence against women in Nigeria to establish the prevalence, forms, and consequences of gender-based violence. The report titled Beyond Boundaries: Violence Against Women in Nigeria, established a huge prevalence rate of domestic violence especially, and recommended that shelters be set up as transit homes for abused women. This informed Project Alert setting up the first shelter for abused women in Nigeria, known as Sophia’s Place. The shelter has till date temporarily accommodated over 600 women/children.
The Human Rights Education programme of Project Alert, is the advocacy arm of the organisation. Under the programme we plan and carry out various sensitisation and awareness creation activities to raise public awareness on the issue and call for change. Our advocacy projects include: Male Involvement Project; School Based Advocacy Project; Faith-Based Advocacy; and Legislative Advocacy.
Under the Support Services Programme of the organisation, we render legal aid to female victims of violence and their families; counselling; shelter; medical assistance; and empowerment of survivors.
Challenges Facing Victims of Domestic Violence
In responding to female victims of violence, it is important that focus should not only be on the arrest and prosecution of the perpetrator, but also on the many needs of the survivor. These needs include counselling, legal aid, medical assistance, shelter, care for children etc. Challenges facing victims of domestic violence are myriad and include the following: • Fear of secondary victimisation
(blame and shame) by friends, family members etc. When a victim is contemplating disclosing her victimisation, she is concerned about what people would say and do. Will they blame her; will they believe her; will they ridicule her; will she be ostracised by members of her church society etc? • Inadequate structures and poor
response by institutions. The criminal
justice system as it is today, is not friendly to female victims of violence. Starting from the police station, the victim is burdened with funding the quest for justice. She has to provide ALL logistics needed to carry out investigations and prosecution of the perpetrator, starting from communication, transportation, photocopies etc. A lot of financial demands are made, which makes some victims give up and “leave it to GOD’’.
• Lack of family support. This is yet another challenge female victims of domestic violence face. Nigeria being a patriarchal society, in some cultures the female is actually mortgaged for the benefit of the family. What this means is that, in marrying her off to a wealthy man for instance, who helps in catering for other family members, such as paying their house rents, school fees of her siblings etc, they will never support her crying out and seeking help in cases of abuse. Instead, she would be blamed for not being patient; not keeping quiet; and not trying her best. • Financial dependency and care of
children. A woman who has more than two children and no means of livelihood, is less likely to cry out and seek help. This is because she is wondering how she will care for the children. Saying no to domestic violence and wanting out of an abusive relationship, should under normal conditions, not mean being punished with children, for the woman to care for and feed alone. But in most cases in Nigeria, that is what a lot of abusive men do. They not only “punish” the mother economically, but also the children. Firstly, the period between when the woman decided to leave the home, and when she goes to court (if she is financially able to do so), and gets judgement can take almost two years. During this time, some men “play GOD’’, and refuse to give money for maintenance of the children and even school fees. • Religious manipulation and
misinterpretation is yet another challenge. The religious books – the Bible & Koran – are often manipulated and misinterpreted using cultural and traditional lenses, to further batter women into submission. Often times, the root causes of the acts of violence are not addressed or are deliberately swept under the carpet, which in turn gives room for further abuse. Abused women are made to feel guilty of even contemplating a separation by the use of statements such as, “God does not like divorce”. However, God does not condone violence of any kind in the family.
As a nation and a people, we can no longer afford to live in denial that domestic violence is real, and is destroying lives and relationships. Every one in three women and girls in Nigeria, is at risk of physical, sexual, emotional and psychological violence in the home. The enemy is within. We need to take action urgently, in order to curb this social menace that has assumed epidemic proportions. The home should not be a battle front, so also should a woman or girl’s body not be a battle field.
"EVERY ONE IN THREE WOMEN AND GIRLS IN NIGERIA, IS AT RISK OF PHYSICAL, SEXUAL, EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE IN THE HOME. THE ENEMY IS WITHIN