LEGAL HUMOUR

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back into the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed in to the passenger seat and the truck continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last second he swerved away, narrowly missing the lawyer. Even though he was certain he had missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that lawyer." "That's okay", replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

A pedestrian was standing on the sidewalk when he saw a funeral procession. The procession had two hearses, followed by a man walking a dog. Directly behind the man was a single-file line of at least two hundred people. Curious, the pedestrian followed the man walking the dog and asked what was going on. The man with the dog replied that the first hearse contained his ex-wife's lawyer. The pedestrian asked how the man died, and was told that the dog had bitten the lawyer and two days later the man had died. The pedestrian then asked about the second hearse, whereupon the man with the dog explained that he was the lawyer who had represented his business partner in a long and vicious business breakup. The man went on to explain that the other lawyer, too, had been bitten by the dog, and had died two days later. The pedestrian pondered this information for a minute, then whispered in the dog owner's ear, "Say, would you mind if I borrowed your dog for a while?" Without missing a step, the dog owner replied, "Okay by me fella, but you're gonna have to wait your turn in line like everyone else.

Halls of Justice

A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house.

Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. "Where are they," asked the driver.

"You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" asked the incredulous judge.

"The courthouse? Of course I know where that is." replied the driver. "But I thought you said you wanted to go to the 'halls of justice'?