Babajide Sanwo-Olu – Beware of the Ides of the Broom
To the new poster boy of Lagos, the uniquely dark-skinned Jide SanwoOlu, I say good morning! It is to your credit that even my wife, the wonderful Duchess of Shomolu has taken sides with you and filled up our living room with your posters, so I say well done and congratulations. But let me tell you a small story, when I was younger, I had this very beautiful girlfriend somewhere in Iwaya. I loved her so very much and used to trek from Shomolu to Iwaya to see her everyday with gifts for her and her pretty little son. My love for her was so manifest that the young children will be running behind me stark naked and be singing because they knew that if wunmi kissed me they would get konkono. If you grew up in Shomolu, Iwaya or any of the slums, your blueprint will not show you, you will know konkono. But anyways, one day, one old man called me secretly to the side and told me that I was a nice lad but that I did not know what I was getting myself into and that listen o Jide, ‘the broom that was used to flog the first wife is still the same broom they will use to heat the new wife.’ My brother I learnt the meaning of that proverb the hard way. Na the same advice I am sending to you now. Today everybody is singing your praises and jumping around including my Duchess who will be walking around the house and shaking that her beautiful bottom and daring me to come near without Sanwo-Olu poster as if na you borrow me money to pay her bride price. When that blueprint or should I say broom come for you as it will definitely come, remember I said so. I wish you well my brother but beware of the Ides of the broom. Simple. Thank you hear it was a fantastic outing, they did not allow me enter as I am not obviously a woman na. She brought in a wonderful Efik masquerader and dance troupe, with a beautiful fashion show highlighted by emerging designer Elderberry and a slew of female entrepreneurs who displayed their wares and services. I hear it was fun as some very prominent Nigerian females graced the occasion. Well done my sister, keep the flag flying but with that kind of food, you should have at least invited three men, but no problems we will do our own.
The reports screamed that she had turned her back on her principal and gone ahead to queue behind the opponent. Me I did not believe this report, so I moved on. But on second thought, I am yet to see a denial from her camp thereby showing that this just may be the betrayal of the century. How can a deputy who should ordinarily be firm now openly throw such a dagger? Well, if you begin to understand the strategy employed for the sharing of spoils within the system you will see that depth and capacity are usually the least criteria used in choosing who gets what. This is deliberate as it throws up people like this who will now owe their ascension to a force rather than an ideal hence the eternal servitude as can be seen in what has been reported to have happened in that polling station. Mummy, I bow for you. Well done, you are a very good party woman, now let’s see if you will be rewarded with a Local Government chair with such team spirit with team spirit wil displayed to your boss on election day. O pari.
The matriarch of the Mowete family and my mother-in-law would be put to mother earth this weekend in Ibadan. She was a very devout catholic and mother who instilled in not only her children but all that came through her the strong sense of self. She is being celebrated because at 83, she lived a long life and has left a strong legacy of service, love and faith. Mummy sleep well in the bosom of the Lord even as we pray that the Almighty should give all your children and grandchildren the fortitude to bare this loss. It is me your favourite son-in-law that is writing this one o, not Dan o. Dan has been contesting this title with me, matching everything I am doing. I buy cow, he buys, I buy chickens, he buys, I bring masquerade from Uyo, he brings from Port Harcourt. Please help me warn him to calm down o mummy. It is not fair o. Sleep well, mummy and God bless.